I recently downloaded some free music supposed to open your chakras. Then I got flooded with several emails a day hinting how much more powerful their for-purchase products were. So I finally wrote them back saying I have a problem paying for packaged spirituality when it is freely available, as our birthright. That shut them up.

Besides, silly me for imagining that music will, BINGO, JUST LIKE THAT,open my chakras. Proper sound will help, yes. But they're no substitute for meditation, yoga, etc., merely aids. I've been through initiations that triggered my chakras, and have experienced them spiritually opened via ritual and certain chemical substances (which I do not recommend because, though effective, they take you places you're not ready to handle....

...Imagine believing you can learn how to ride a bicycle by reading an instruction manual.)

So, anyway, here are some guidelines for finding a true mentor to help you gain enlightenment.

1. Enlightenment is free. It's yours by virtue of being human. Outside of paying dues that cover expenses of any organization you join, you don't have to pay for what is yours; you just have to work at it.

2. Never sign up with anybody who tells you that you must have sex with him or her to gain spiritual progress. Though sex is, if performed properly, a means of spiritual growth, it should never be a mandatory condition.

3. Never sign up with anybody who disparages other gurus. Yes, there are fakers, opportunists, and egotists around, but the true test is that a real guru will not advance his own agenda by disparaging other teachers. This is a personality cult. And your new guru will probably come on to you for sex, some short distance down the road.

4. Never sign on with somebody who doesn't have a sense of humor. Yes, enlightenment is a serious undertaking. But anyone who lacks a sense of humor--especially the ability to laugh at him/herself, has serious ego problems, and will probably use disciples to feed that ego.

These are general guides. You can probably move some distance down the Path with any of the above as guides. But eventually you'll have to leave them, lest they hamper your further growth.

And remember, the ultimate answer to the ultimate question is always Love.