I give them away free, printed a 100, will mail for free.
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:
: 1. Humans are born with a priceless talent. Since you are
: human, you can use that talent to heal yourself, or injure
: others. It’s called the crybaby talent. Like magic humans
: can instantly morph from ecstatic melodrama to crybaby,
: from jolly Jekyll, to horrible Hyde. Most humans use their
: crybaby talent to release emotions. Toxic crybabies use
: their talent in tantrum mode to control, manipulate and
: destroy human lives.
: 2. Knowledge is power. When you understand the crybaby talent,
: and know the nine main types of toxic crybabies, you won’t
: get sucked into their spastic dramas, and that means you
: won’t feel compelled to employ your own crybaby talent just
: to survive.
: 3. If you feel that your crybaby talent is turning toxic,
: Crybaby Anonymous can help you avoid becoming toxic. You
: can go to Crybaby Anonymous meetings and learn how not to
: have a mental and emotional meltdown when life doesn’t go
: your way. The Crybaby Anonymous Motto is: “Have no way life
: must go, and joy is all you’ll ever know.” As unbelievable
: as it is, there are over seven billion nonmembers of
: Crybaby Anonymous.
: PUBLIC NOTICE
: 4. Crybaby Anonymous meets every Monday. You can cry, moan,
: groan, roll on the floor, flail your arms, holler, scream,
: shriek, throw things, and complain about how life is not
: fair. As always, the topic at Crybaby Anonymous is, Things
: That Suck. Specific topics include: School, Teachers,
: Tests, Grades, Roommates, Dating, Restaurants, Jobs, and of
: course Government, People and Weather that Suck. Accidents,
: illness, disease, old age and death will be cried about.
: Trophies will go to the complainer and whiner with the
: saddest story, reddest eyes, or whoever brought the most
: Kleenex.
: GENERAL INFORMATION ABOUT CRYBABIES
: 5. Why are humans, crybabies? Your parents began programming
: you with the sounds of snowflakes melting on an open fire.
: Immediately after your birth your parents reacted to your
: midnight mindless shrieking by asking (during their
: terrifying experience) “Remind me why we had this kid?” and
: then they inadvertently continued to program you to be
: forever after a crybaby by catering to your every
: discomfort, and then, under penalty of law, they were
: forced to endure you and suffer you until their glorious
: release from parental prison when you turned forty-five and
: moved out of your bedroom which they immediately turned
: into an indoor swimming pool filled with sharks and no
: warning signs.
: 6. What follows is scientifically backed and ‘pee’ reviewed
: pure conjecture about why you might be a crybaby: When you
: were a baby you screamed when you got physically
: uncomfortable and someone
: cared for you so you’d be comfortable and shut-up. As a child
: you cried when you got emotionally uncomfortable and
: someone indulged you so you’d be satisfied and shut-up. As
: a youth you belly-ached when you got mentally uncomfortable
: and someone counseled you so you’d feel gratified and
: shut-up. As a teenager you complained when you got
: spiritually uncomfortable and someone guided you so you’d
: feel at peace and shut-up. And now as an adult you cry,
: scream, belly-ache and complain when life doesn’t cater to
: your every nonsensical, ludicrous and silly need, want and
: desire and everyone wishes you’d shut-up.
: 7. Life doesn’t care if you cry, scream, belly-ache, complain
: or go nuts. Life is neutral; life is impersonal; life is
: unbiased and life doesn’t care what you think it is, or
: what you think it should be, or what you think it should
: do. If you are still a programmed-crybaby it is because
: your conditioning, indoctrination and brainwashing from
: youth are working, and it can be summed up in this: Most
: adults will not depart from their childhood brainwashing,
: indoctrination and programming. Which means most humans
: will not remove their programs of unrealistic and
: irrational expectations of what life should be and
: reprogram themselves to accept life for what it actually
: is, which ultimately means they will live and die the way
: they were born, a crybaby.
: 8. There are humans who do not work on perfecting their
: crybaby talent to stop going crazy when life doesn’t go
: their way. Instead they use their crybaby talent as a
: weapon to get what they want. They are not normal
: crybabies. They are toxic
: conniving spastic super crybabies. The thoughts that follow
: are about spastic, conniving super crybabies that you will
: inevitably have to deal with. For brevity I use the words,
: “crybaby,” and “you”, however, I’m only addressing toxic
: crybabies and how they affect the lives of humans who only
: use their crybaby talents beneficially. NOTE: It is
: challenging to isolate normal crybaby attributes from toxic
: crybaby attributes (except when defining the nine types of
: toxic crybabies) so it may appear as if there is general
: information overlap. The Nine Types of Toxic Crybabies, and
: The Six Signs That You Are A Toxic Crybaby, and the Three
: Tests To Expose A Toxic Crybaby are at the end of the book.
: General Information About Crybabies
: 9. You can tell you’re in the presence of a crybaby when you
: hear its mantra, “Hey...I’m here. Let’s talk about me,
: about my life. I have needs, wants and desires that need
: your attention, and I didn’t come here to hear you babble
: about your inconsequential life.”
: 10. The most common sound of the crybaby species in the wild
: is, “LIFE SUCKS!”
: 11. Life is life, the rest is listening to humans cry when it
: doesn’t go their way, and as if that’s not enough to drive
: you nuts, many humans literally have Crybaby Disease. THE
: SYMPTOM: They freak-out when life doesn’t happen their way.
: THE CURE: Accept that life will not always happen your way.
: HOW? Don’t kick a flat tire. Don’t give the flat tire your
: energy–no thoughts, no emotions. Don’t get irritated, upset
: or angry. Just fix the freaking tire instead of
: freaking-out and kicking the freaking tire. Kicking the
: tire only makes it mad. And if you kick the tire you are as
: mad-as-a-hatter with a freaked out flat tire.
: 12. If you act like a two-year old, people will treat you like
: a two-year old. If you pout, get annoyed, irritated, upset,
: angry, throw things, roll on the floor and scream, get
: depressed, despondent, regretful, afraid, and are a
: miserable self-obsessed foot stomping little shit to be
: around just because you’re not getting what you want or
: because life (people, places and things) are not happening
: your way, you’re living in a circus mirror created by your
: clown thoughts. If you don’t start controlling your mind
: and emotions and start appreciating life the way it
: happens, your misery will be world class ugly. The good
: news is, at your funeral, your family will only say good
: things about you, but later, they’ll sigh in relief and say
: life is more enjoyable with you being dead. Why? Because
: they will no longer have to walk on eggs and put up with
: your crybaby whining Yo-yo mad-as-a-hatter bullshit joy
: sucking-attitude. Change your thoughts, change your ways,
: change your life, and change your own diaper (and loved
: ones clapping at your funeral is not a compliment).
: 13. Crybabies litter the landscape like soiled underwear and
: you can’t go anywhere without stepping on one, and since
: hunting them is illegal, they stalk unaware low information
: humans.
: 14. You might be a crybaby if you let your thoughts free-range
: and feed off your unbridled needs, wants and desires, and
: you will stay that way until you decide to bridle your
: self-centered, vain, prideful and egotistical appetites by
: controlling the thoughts that also make you an obnoxious
: jerk.
: 15. A crybaby requires a never-ending supply of pacifiers to
: be happy, and if it doesn’t get them it will have a toxic
: emotional meltdown and poison everyone who couldn’t find
: the door fast enough
: 16. Dehydration and wrinkles are only two symptoms of
: crybabies. Another symptom is, no blind dates. Crybabies
: can’t have blind dates because they have no friends that
: will pawn them off on people that their friends–that they
: don’t have–don’t like.
: 17. If you are a crybaby and want to stop moaning and groaning
: when not having sex, the military has a cure. They need
: targets.
: 18. There are humans who think everything is a crisis and
: complain, bellyache, whine and rage through life, and are,
: for all intents and purposes, professional crybabies who
: can’t seem to come to grips with the reality that life will
: not cater to their every fancied need, want and desire,
: when in fact, compared to many people, they have good
: lives, great lives, even awesome lives, better lives than
: the kings and queens of yesteryear and better lives than
: most people on the planet today. Don’t be a professional
: crybaby. Do it for free.
: 19. You will meet people who turn mean and ugly when they
: don’t get their way or don’t get what they want. You will
: work with people who get irritated, upset, angry or violent
: when life doesn’t meet their expectations. You may even
: marry a person who turns sour and venomous when vexing
: things happen to him or her. And you may birth and raise
: little humans who are never satisfied, who cry, moan and
: complain and never grow-up. And if that’s you.
: Congratulations! You’ve developed a unique and cherished
: talent sought for by no one, which is to live in hell
: before your time.
: 20. You might be a crybaby if your attitude is graveyard
: depressed and you think life is a smelly dumpster in a
: greasy alley and you spew a funeral halo and have a
: decomposing aura. If that is you, then not only is it not
: fun being you, it’s not fun being near you or doing
: anything with you (burying you is the one exception).
: 21. A crybaby is like a Yo-yo. One moment it’s up, the next
: it’s down. A Yo-yo crybaby hates experiences that do not
: fulfill its physical, mental, emotional and spiritual
: needs, wants and desires, and it gets angry during
: experiences that do not validate its beliefs, biases,
: prejudices, opinions, and conclusions, which means planet
: earth is a crybaby Yo-yo factory.
: 22. If there were fewer crybabies trolling social events I
: might go again. When I used to go, and they started
: complaining and whining, I’d say, “Would you like some
: cheese with that whine?”
: 23. People who live with a crybaby have mastered the ability
: to walk on eggs, which is lucky for crybabies who would
: otherwise be instant omelets.
: 24. Being a crybaby is not as bad as being an emotional -
: drama - pimp. However, of all the energy-vampires,
: crybabies get more suck per mile than any other suckers.
: 25. Crybabies have firecrackers for brains and everyone they
: meet carries a lit match, and if you spark them, they will
: ignite and explode in a New York minute (3 seconds). When
: that happens I say, “Please excuse me if I don’t hang
: around for the fireworks. I have to go throw myself on a
: cactus.”
: 26. Most people would rather watch reruns of reruns of bad
: sequels than watch a crybaby take an emotional dump when it
: doesn’t get what it wants.
: 27. If you think people should love you and coddle you for
: your unstable mental and emotional pimple explosions,
: you’re not just a crybaby, you’re a looney-tunes character.
: 28. Crybabies destroy families, friendships, and careers, and
: then, after destroying their lives, they join Crybaby
: Anonymous because only other crybabies will suffer their
: childish, juvenile and destructive behavior, but only if
: they bring punch and cookies and leave immediately.
: 29. If you are not a crybaby you are worth a million Prozac.
: If you are a crybaby, take them and chill.
: 30. Crybabies are unreasonable, irrational and illogical
: (those are their good points).
: 31. If you are tired of all the benefits that come with being
: a crybaby (the emotionally explosive Yo-yo swings and
: exasperating dramas and busted relationships) there is only
: one way to stop crying when life doesn’t go your way, and
: that is to have no way life must go.
: TYPES OF TOXIC CRYBABIES
: 32. There are many kinds and types of crybabies. There are as
: many varieties as there are broken pacifiers, broken homes
: and destroyed lives, though toxic crybabies don’t notice
: until they’re six feet under and wondering why people are
: peeing on their grave.
: 33. Real crybabies, and fake crybabies, enjoy different
: whines. Real crybabies come with bad-baggage. They arrive
: here genetically screwed-up. They are prideful, arrogant,
: self-important, overbearing, insulting, abusive, vain,
: conceited, in love with themselves too much, egotistical,
: begrudging, resentful, envious, jealous and greedy (if it
: wasn’t for all that they’d just be ordinary jerks). Fake
: crybabies bought into bad-baggage as a way to deal with
: life. They become narcissistic chamaeleon crybabies and
: would tarnish lawyers and politicians if it wasn’t too
: late.
: 34. The crybaby nut is the most common nut (and the least
: palatable) in the nut bowl of life. A crybaby nut complains
: to
: get what it wants and complains when it gets it. Crybaby nuts
: are joyless energy-sucking black holes.
: 35. Homegrown crybabies are not as bad as birthed crybabies.
: Homegrown crybabies were programmed to fear life. They
: think life is trying to hurt them and kill them (which it
: is) thus they are jumpy, nervous, uptight, stressed-out,
: high-strung and extremely volatile and live on the edge of
: an always deteriorating cliff that people would push them
: off if they could get away with it.
: 36. Sneaky Crybabies are like Halloween tricker-treaters
: pretending to be who they are not. It isn’t until after
: they are in a relationship that they take off their masks
: and you discover you’ve been tricked and you’re the treat.
: 37. Whiny Crybabies spray and pollute a room worse than
: skunk-stink. Whiners dish out disharmony when they pout and
: mope and sulk. They lack appreciation and are so
: self-centered they think humans were invented to take them
: for a walk and pick up their poop.
: 38. Complaining, fault-finding, negative crybabies, judge and
: condemn. They walk and talk unfiltered gloom and doom. If
: it’s your misfortune to run into one (and you will)
: hopefully its emotional support elephant wasn’t hurt; you
: won’t be as lucky.
: 39. Mean-Spirited Crybabies are cruel and brutally shrewd.
: They build themselves up by mentally, emotionally and
: physically pulling and pushing and tearing you down. They
: are the dinky dicked bullies on the playground of life.
: 40. Con Artist Crybabies lack empathy and use their minds,
: emotions, and bodies to manipulate, trick, scam, bamboozle,
: deceive, lie and steal. They can’t understand why the
: people they’ve bamboozled don’t appreciate their free
: screwing.
: 41. Adult crybabies never get over getting spanked and crying
: when they exited their prenatal escape pod. They just keep
: on crying and get emotionally louder, and if you spank
: them, some of them like it now.
: 42. A normal crybaby cries, and can get irritated or upset
: when life doesn’t happen the way they want. They are not
: dangerous to be around. They’re just letting off steam.
: 43. A toxic crybaby gets angry, furious, and violent (can
: become a raging impassioned out-of-its-mind totally nuts
: lunatic) when life isn’t happening the way they want. They
: can be dangerous to be around.
: SIX SIGNS YOU ARE A TOXIC CRYBABY
: If you read the book, you already know if you are, or are not,
: a toxic crybaby because it was detailed throughout the
: book. If you have not read the book, and came here to read
: the six signs you’ll have to go and read the book to find
: them. However, here are some words that apply to toxic
: crybabies: Lie a lot; Controlling; Complainer; Plays
: victim; Abuse emotionally; See only bad in people; Feel
: sorry for themselves; Disregards boundaries; Don’t like
: others around you; Never wrong, never admit; Takes
: advantage of kindness; Always talking about their problems;
: Don’t listen or respect opinions. Hates being told, “No!”
: THREE TESTS THAT EXPOSE A
: HUGGER-MUGGER TOXIC CRYBABY
: If you want to test someone to see if they are a toxic
: crybaby, here are three tests to see how they deal with
: life when it doesn’t go their way. If they fail some of the
: tests, maybe they’re just human, or maybe they’re just
: plain toxic.
: Test One: Ask them to tell you about themselves. Be prepared
: for a long sales pitch about “I am this; I did that; I went
: there; I own this, and I am so full of myself, and don’t
: interrupt me, this is not about you. It’s just about me and
: how great I am.” They will go on and on, and on and never
: ask anything about you.
: Test Two: Ask them to tell you about their imperfections, or
: weaknesses. Be prepared to listen to the sound of silence
: that will quickly be broken by them telling you more of
: their exceptional good points.
: Test Three: Tell them your boundaries. Tell them what you
: won’t do. They will agree whole heartedly at the time, and
: the rest of the time they will do everything possible to
: get you to change your mind.
: Life is all about them, NOT you. If you want to have some fun,
: tell them, “There’s an opening at Crybaby Anonymous for a
: mentor. Too bad you’re not qualified.” Be prepared for
: anger, accusations and tears as they blame you and others
: for being a toxic crybaby.
: Wisdom Digest Publishing
: Tom Braun
: 435-238-5432
: nemesistombraun@gmail.com