The Thrill Report #101798
LAST XMAS WAS THE LAST XMAS

It’s still two weeks to Halloween and the New York department stores are rapidly filling up with Christmas trinkets. According to CNN (Comedy Not News) Christmas ‘tis the season for making money and since profits are down the stores are getting an early start. But is this the real reason? Granted profits, dollars, money, cabbage, lettuce, C-notes, green stuff, Greenspan, greenbacks, cash-on-the-barrelhead, the root-of-all-evil, has reigned supreme in the material world, maybe this time it ain’t The Whole Enchilada.

The real reason for Christmas in October might be the unexpected arrival of The Guest of Honor. Fifth Avenue pushcart peddlers are fleeing, but not before they hold a last minute clearance sale. With predictable aplomb they are still trying to make a fast buck even on their way out.

If they were smart they would have done the market research and would have known that the hottest selling product was not going to be last year’s leftovers. They could have cornered the market, instead of trying to sell defunct Baby Jesus birthday presents. They missed their last big opportunity, the chance to clean up on... CROSSES!

That’s right, CROSSES. If they would have filled their pushcarts with crosses, life-size, custom-fitted, fake wooden crosses, they would now be sitting in “The Catbird Seat”. They could have offered a full line of light-weight, easy to carry crosses with sturdy luggage wheels for ease in uphill handling. They could have decorated them with everything from rhinestones to fake fur. They could have offered color coordinated sequined chin straps, polyester elbow slings and padded footrests; and even added a line of neon crowns powered by battery implants (a handy item in the dark). They could even have offered gold-tipped titanium nails with rubber mallets to drive them without damaging the gold. They could have named their price since the only customers would have been the rich, the super rich, and the off-the-scales rich. But like I said, “If they were smart....”

Instead they are caught with codpieces flapping, trying to hawk their wares in a raging storm, and no one can hear what they are hawking about. Hell for them is offering their wares at ten cents on the dollar and not a buyer in sight.

Meanwhile their customers are up to their nostrils in camel dung as they try to push a camel through the eye of a needle before the Thief In The Night catches them red handed.

Jana Janus
The Rogue Butterfly

Scribe in the Ancient Language of Thrill