By Morgoth - March 7, 2026

The Retard War began on the 28th of February 2026 when the Americans bombed the spiritual leader of Shia Islam and 160 girls in an Iranian school. This was it, then. This was why the woke was put away, this was why Trump’s myriad legal challenges and court cases were mysteriously dropped. This, as ordained by God, was why Trump survived assassination. It wasn’t a “forever war”, because it wasn’t a war, it was a “special military intervention”, or a “precision strike mission”, or something.

The grand strategy was to prevent Iran from ever attaining the nuclear weapons program that had been obliterated the previous year. As well as regime change, disarmament, and allowing Iranian women to post on OnlyFans. Soon after, the regime change section was walked back. What remained was the dedication to drag the wild-eyed mullahs and Islamo-zealots into the 21st Century and secular sophistication, at least according to God’s Chosen People and the Christian Zionists preparing for the Rapture and the world being bathed in whirling plumes of fire and death before Christ’s return.

The Retard War differed from previous sojourns into the sands of Arabia and mountains of Persia in that the post-Fukuyama End of History intellectual framing had been dispensed with entirely; instead, the Retard War ran on memes and slick edits of Hollywood franchises and HBO series. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth adopted the persona of cold technocrats from early-2000s shows such as The Bourne Identity or Tom Clancy films, but more so. It was a living, breathing pastiche of media depicting war planning decades ago, the fish finger to Baudrillard’s freshly caught cod. A copy of a depiction of a cliché based on Robert McNamara or Donald Rumsfeld.

It was no longer enough to talk matter-of-factly about assets or forces; the Retard War demanded “War-Fighters” and “Warriors”, because hyperbolic language plays better in social media algorithms.

The problem was that . . .

[SNIP]