THAT’S LIFE

A NEWBORN UNIVERSE DEVELOPS HUMANS WHO ASK, “HOW DID ALL THIS SHIT HAPPEN?”
A NEWBORN HUMAN DEVELOPS THE INTELLIGENCE TO ASK, “HOW DID I HAPPEN?

A HUMAN NAMED JOE TRAVELED FAR INTO SPACE AND FOUND A UNIVERSE WITH ALL KIND OF LIFE FORMS. IT WAS OBVIOUS THAT THIS UNIVERSE HAD BEEN DEVELOPING FOR BILLIONS OF YEARS, AND YET, IT WAS MERELY A ZOO, FOR IT DID NOT HAVE A SINGLE LIFE FORM WITH ENOUGH INTELLIGENCE TO ASK, “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?”

JOE LEFT THAT UNIVERSE BEHIND AND TRAVELED FURTHER INTO SPACE AND SAW A UNIVERSE JUST BEGINNING TO HAVE ENOUGH ENERGY TO EXPLODE INTO ORGANIZED FORMS, SO HE SET UP A CAMERA AND WAITED. IT TOOK TRILLIONS AND TRILLIONS OF YEARS BEFORE THERE WERE STARS, SOLAR SYSTEMS, PLANETS AND GALAXIES AND LIFE FORMS THAT ATE EACH OTHER AND REPRODUCED, AND IT TOOK SEVERAL OF ADDITIONAL BILLIONS OF YEARS BEFORE IT DEVELOPED A SPECIES THAT SAID TO EACH OTHER, “FUCK OFF DUMB ASS.”

JOE LEFT THAT NEW UNIVERSE AND HEADED HOME. HE COULDN’T FIND IT. IT HAD DISAPPEARED, DESTROYED ITSELF. SO JOE MADE SOME JOE AND CONCLUDED THAT LIFE IS A SPONTANEOUS HAPPENING. IT JUST DOES WHAT IT DOES, THINGS HAPPEN AND WORK, AND WHAT DOESN’T WORK, DOESN’T HAPPEN, AND ALL THAT HAPPENING WITHOUT INTENT OR PURPOSE. LIFE IS JUST A HAPPENING THAT UNHAPPENS AND HAPPENS AGAIN, AND OCCASIONALLY LASTS LONG ENOUGH TO DEVELOP A SPECIES THAT CAN YELL, “FUCK IT!” AND BLOW ITSELF UP, BUT IN THE MEANTIME, THERE’S PIZZA.

SO, WHAT HAPPENED TO JOE? HE WENT BACK TO THE ZOO PLANET AND LANDED IN A GARDEN HE NAMED EDEN AND OPENED A PIZZA HUT AND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER BIDING HIS TIME UNTIL HE WOULD LEAVE JUST BEFORE THE PLACE BLOWS UP.