DR. JOHN: "TELLING TALES ABOUT TAILS AND INVASIVE PROCEDURES DOCTORS PERFORM"

Okay, let’s spend a moment talking about embarrassing moments. No not leaving the house without your cloths, that is normal. I am talking those doctor visits you just don’t appreciate.

Prostrate exams where doctors probe the neither world from your rectum. It is to check if your prostrate is swollen. Hint: if it is; it restricts your urine flow. Let the doctor know you still urinate like a race horse and thank him for the offer. If you have trouble urinating you may volunteer for the close encounter.

Colonoscopy exams or as I call it "ram it up your butt". This is an invasive process where an Endoscope is feed up your rectum where there should be a sign ONE WAY ONLY. The doctor is checking for polyps (small protrusions in the large bowel). It seems just below your tonsils is going the long way around.

If you don’t have an abnormally high White blood Count and dark blood samples in your stool you likely don’t need a Colonoscopy. The word is long and so is the fiber optic tube passing through your rectum. The problem is the procedure is potentially dangerous and can lead to serious health issues. If in the procedure the push to much at the wrong time and location the camera can tear the lining of the large bowel with the potential of stool and bacteria passing into the organ cavity where it does not belong and from which serious infections and death can occur over time.

A better option that is 99% effective is sending in a stool sample. It is simple, safe and you get to play with shit. You never touch the brown mass, it is done using a pop cycle stick to get a small thin smear and apply it to a card that is sent off in a protective container.

The stool sample is a lot less expensive and far less intrusive while avoiding serious complications. I know, I know the doctor and hospital make less money on you avoiding these procedures.

Another treatment you may want to consider carefully are the Exploratory Surgeries. That is when the Doctors finish the Colonoscopy and say, “We see some polyps that may be a concern and want cut you wide open so that we can tool around a bit and if we find any cancer (or not) we can surgically remove that section of the large bowel (or a lot more that necessary or not)".

If they say you have an active cancer growth ask for a White Blood Count or a second opinion from a different doctor at a different hospital. The less people you have wondering around unnecessarily in your body the better.

It is always your choice, it is your body. You don’t have to do what I recommend, but you can use it as food for thought.

As a final note: Hemorrhoid surgery, a real money maker is something you may want to avoid. Beyond painful hemorrhoids you have a costly surgery, a 3 day stay in the hospital and up to three weeks of feeling like you are shitting glass. The kind Doctor has cut the polyps off which is what creates all the discomfort.

The option, ask for a Banding procedure, it is out patient and painless! The doctor using a long, slim Hermostat (tweezers) puts very small rubber bands around the protruding polyps in your rectum. After a few days the strangled (swollen polyps drop off on their own), when you have a normal bowel movement; allowing the remainder to slide easily back through the wall of the bowel and the opening to heal on its own.

Banding can be done on the worst hemorrhoids cases. It may take more than one out patient procedure. Multiple procedures are only needed for your comfort, however, the discomfort is only the time on the table; nothing more. You don’t feel anything and no anesthetic is needed. The bill is a whole lot less and should be covered by your insurance. You can go back to work after the procedure, but I suggest a day of doing something you like.

When we tell tales about our tail it should not be a painful experience.

Dr. John