1. Being a crybaby is not as bad as being an emotional drama pimp. However, of all the energy-vampires, crybabies get more suck per mile than any other suckers.

2. Why are there crybabies? From birth your parents programmed you with the sounds of snowflakes melting on an open fire. Then, during your mindless midnight shrieking, your parents wondered why they had this kid, but continued to feed you and program you to be forever after a crybaby by catering to your every discomfort, and then, under penalty of law, they were forced to endure you and suffer you until their glorious release from parental prison when you turned forty-five and moved out of your bedroom which they immediately turned into an indoor swimming pool filled with sharks and no warning signs.

6. When you were a baby you screamed when you got physically uncomfortable and someone cared for you so you’d be comfortable and shut-up. As a child you cried when you got emotionally uncomfortable and someone indulged you so you’d be satisfied and shut-up. As a youth you belly-ached when you got mentally uncomfortable and someone counseled you so you’d feel gratified and shut-up. As a teenager you complained when you got spiritually uncomfortable and someone guided you so you’d feel at peace and shut-up. And now as an adult you cry, scream, belly-ache and complain when life doesn’t cater to your every nonsensical, ludicrous and silly need, want and desire and everyone wishes you’d shut-up.

7. Life doesn’t care if you cry, scream, belly-ache, complain or go nuts. Life is neutral; life is impersonal; life is unbiased and life doesn’t care what you think it is, or what you think it should be, or what you think it should do. If you are still a programmed crybaby it is because your conditioning, indoctrination and brainwashing from youth are working, and it can be summed up in this: Most adults will not depart from their childhood brainwashing, indoctrination and programming. Which means most humans will not remove their programs of unrealistic and irrational expectations of what life should be and reprogram themselves to accept life for what it actually is, which ultimately means they will live and die the way they were born, a crybaby.

8. There are humans who do not work on perfecting their crybaby talent to stop going crazy when life doesn’t go their way. Instead they use their crybaby talent as a weapon to get what they want. They are not normal crybabies. They are toxic conniving spastic super crybabies. The thoughts that follow are about spastic, conniving super crybabies that you will inevitably have to deal with. For brevity I use the words, “crybaby,” and “you”,

9. You can tell you’re in the presence of a crybaby when you hear its mantra, “Hey...I’m here. Let’s talk about me, about my life. I have needs, wants and desires that need your attention, and I didn’t come here to hear you babble about your inconsequential life.”

10. The most common sound of the crybaby species in the wild is, “LIFE SUCKS when it doesn’t go my way!”

11. Life is life, the rest is listening to humans cry when it doesn’t go their way, and as if that’s not enough to drive you nuts, many humans literally have Crybaby Disease. THE SYMPTOM: They freak-out when life doesn’t happen their way. THE CURE: Accept that life will not always happen your way. HOW? Don’t kick a flat tire. Don’t give the flat tire your energy–no thoughts, no emotions. Don’t get irritated, upset or angry. Just fix the
freaking tire instead of freaking-out and kicking the freaking tire. Kicking the tire only makes it mad. And if you kick the tire you are as mad-as-a-hatter with a freaked out flat tire.

12. If you act like a two-year old, people will treat you like a two-year old. If you pout, get annoyed, irritated, upset, angry, throw things, roll on the floor and scream, get depressed, despondent, regretful, afraid, and are a miserable self-obsessed foot stomping little shit to be around just because you’re not getting what you want or because life (people, places and things) are not happening your way, you’re living in a circus mirror created by your clown thoughts. If you don’t start controlling your mind and emotions and start appreciating life the way it happens, your misery will be world class ugly. The good news is, at your funeral, your family will only say good things about you, but later, they’ll sigh in relief and say life is more enjoyable with you being dead. Why? Because they will no longer have to walk on eggs and put up with your crybaby whining Yo-yo mad-as-a-hatter bullshit joy sucking-attitude. Change your thoughts, change your ways, change your life, and change your own diaper (and loved ones clapping at your funeral is not a compliment).

13. Crybabies litter the landscape like soiled diapers and you can’t go anywhere without stepping on one, and since hunting them is still illegal, they stalk you.

14. You might be a crybaby if you let your thoughts free-range and feed off your unbridled needs, wants and desires, and you will stay that way until you decide to bridle your self-centered, vain, prideful and egotistical appetites by controlling the thoughts that also make you an obnoxious jerk.

15. A crybaby requires a never ending supply of pacifiers to be happy, and if it doesn’t get them it will have a toxic emotional meltdown and poison everyone who couldn’t find the door fast enough

16. Dehydration and wrinkles are only two symptoms of crybabies. Another symptom is, no blind dates. Crybabies can’t have blind dates because they have no friends that will pawn them off on people that their friends–that they don’t have–don’t like.

17. If you are a crybaby and want to stop moaning and groaning when not having
sex, the military has a cure. They need targets.

18. There are humans who think everything is a crisis and complain, bellyache, whine and rage through life, and are, for all intents and purposes, professional crybabies who can’t seem to come to grips with the reality that life will not cater to their every fancied need, want and desire, when in fact, compared to many people, they have good lives, great lives, even awesome lives, better lives than the kings and queens of yesteryear and better lives than most people on the planet today. Don’t be a professional crybaby. Do it for free.

19. You will meet people who turn mean and ugly when they don’t get their way or don’t get what they want. You will work with people who get irritated, upset, angry or violent when life doesn’t meet their expectations. You may even marry a person who turns sour and venomous when vexing things happen to him or her. And you may birth and raise little humans who are never satisfied, who cry, moan
and complain and never grow-up. And if that’s you. Congratulations! You’ve developed a unique and cherished talent sought for by no one, which is to live in hell before your time.

20. You might be a crybaby if your attitude is graveyard depressed and you think life is a smelly dumpster in a greasy alley and you spew a funeral halo and have a decomposing aura. If that is you, then not only is it not fun being you, it’s not fun being near you or doing anything
with you (burying you is the one exception).

21. A crybaby is like a Yo-yo. One moment it’s up, the next it’s down. A Yo-yo crybaby hates experiences that do not fulfill its physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs, wants and desires, and it gets angry during experiences that do not validate its beliefs, biases, prejudices, opinions, and conclusions, which means planet earth is a crybaby and Yo-yo factory.

22. If there were fewer crybabies trolling social events I might go again. When I used to go, and they started complaining and whining, I’d say, “Would you like some cheese with that whine?”

23. People who live with a crybaby have mastered the ability to walk on eggs,
which is lucky for crybabies who would otherwise be instant omelets.

25. Crybabies have firecrackers for brains and everyone they meet carries a lit match, and if you spark them, they will ignite and explode in a New York minute (3 seconds). When that happens I say, “Please excuse me if I don’t hang around for the fireworks. I have to go throw myself on a cactus.”

26. Most people would rather watch reruns of reruns of bad sequels than watch a crybaby take an emotional dump when it doesn’t get what it wants.

27. If you think people should love you and coddle you for your unstable mental and emotional pimple explosions, you’re not just a crybaby, you’re a looney-tunes character.

28. Crybabies destroy families, friendships, and careers, and then, after destroying their lives, they join Crybaby Anonymous because only other crybabies will suffer their childish, juvenile and destructive behavior, but only if they bring punch and cookies and leave immediately.

29. If you are not a crybaby you are worth a million Prozac. If you are a crybaby, get a prescription.

30. Crybabies are unreasonable, irrational and illogical (those are their good points).

31. If you are tired of all the benefits that come with being a crybaby (the emotionally explosive Yo-yo swings and exasperating dramas and busted relationships) there is only one way to stop crying when life doesn’t go your way, and that is to have no way life must go.

32. There are many kinds and types of crybabies. There are as many varieties as there are broken pacifiers, broken homes and destroyed lives, though toxic crybabies don’t notice until they’re six feet under and wondering why people are peeing on their grave.

33. Real crybabies, and fake crybabies, enjoy different whines. Real crybabies come with bad-baggage. They arrive here genetically screwed-up. They are prideful, arrogant, self-important, overbearing, insulting, abusive, vain, conceited, in love with themselves too much, egotistical, begrudging, resentful, envious, jealous and greedy (if it wasn’t for all that they’d just be ordinary jerks). Fake crybabies bought into bad-baggage as a way to deal with life. They become narcissistic chamaeleon crybabies and would tarnish lawyers and politicians if it wasn’t too late.

34. The crybaby nut is the most common nut (and the least palatable) in the nut bowl of life. A crybaby nut complains to get what it wants and complains when it gets it. Crybaby nuts are joyless energy-sucking black holes.

35. Homegrown crybabies are not as bad as birthed crybabies. Homegrown crybabies were programmed to fear life. They think life is trying to hurt them and kill them (which it is) thus they are jumpy, nervous, uptight, stressed-out, high-strung and extremely volatile and live on the edge of an always deteriorating cliff that people would push them off if they could get away with it.

36. Sneaky Crybabies are like Halloween tricker-treaters pretending to be who they are not. It isn’t until after they are in a relationship that they take off their masks and you discover you’ve been tricked and you’re the treat.

37. Whiny Crybabies spray and pollute a room worse than skunk-stink. Whiners dish out disharmony when they pout and mope and sulk. They lack appreciation and are so self-centered they think humans were invented to take them for a walk and pick up their poop.

38. Complaining, fault-finding, negative crybabies, judge and condemn. They walk and talk unfiltered gloom and doom. If it’s your misfortune to run into one (and you will) hopefully its emotional support elephant wasn’t hurt; you won’t be as lucky.

39. Mean-Spirited Crybabies are cruel and brutally shrewd. They build themselves up by mentally, emotionally and physically pulling and pushing and tearing you down. They are the dinky dicked bullies on the playground of life.

40. Con Artist Crybabies lack empathy and use their minds, emotions, and bodies to manipulate, trick, scam, bamboozle, deceive, lie and steal. They can’t understand why the people they’ve bamboozled don’t appreciate their free screwing.

41. Adult crybabies never get over getting spanked and crying when they exited their prenatal escape pod. They just keep on crying and get emotionally louder, and if you spank them, some of them like it now.

42. A normal crybaby cries, and can get irritated or upset when life doesn’t happen the way they want. They are not dangerous to be around. They’re just letting off steam.

43. A toxic crybaby gets angry, furious, and violent (can become a raging impassioned out-of-its-mind totally nuts lunatic) when life isn’t happening the way they want. They can be dangerous to be around.Here are some words that apply to toxic crybabies: Lie a lot; Controlling; Complainer; Plays victim; Abuse emotionally; See only bad in people; Feel sorry for themselves; Disregards boundaries; Don’t like others around you; Never wrong, never admit; Takes advantage of kindness; Always talking about their problems; Don’t listen or respect opinions. Hates being told, “No!”

If you want to test someone to see if they are a toxic crybaby, here are three tests to see how they deal with life when it doesn’t go their way. If they fail some of the tests, maybe they’re just human, or maybe they’re just plain toxic.

Test One: Ask them to tell you about themselves. Be prepared for a long sales pitch about “I am this; I did that; I went
there; I own this, and I am so full of
myself, and don’t interrupt me, this is not about you. It’s just about me and how great I am.” They will go on and on, and on and never ask anything about you.

Test Two: Ask them to tell you about their imperfections, or weaknesses. Be prepared to listen to the sound of silence that will quickly be broken by them telling you more of their exceptional good points.

Test Three: Tell them your boundaries. Tell them what you won’t do. They will agree whole heartedly at the time, and the rest of the time they will do everything possible to get you to change your mind.

COPYRIGHT
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
published by
Wisdom Digest Publishing
1/1/2023
Tom Braun

nemesistombraun@gmail.com