By Clif High - June 9, 2023

Seven Rules for what to do when you shoot a Space Alien.

Remember what your mama said.

It’s going to happen.

You know it.

Probably will happen soon.

Some alien is going to crash, or land, in the wrong part of town.

Probably we will never know why. Maybe they were beamed at by military and crash. Maybe they were just goofing around and chose the wrong damn street.

But whatever the cause, some human is gonna shoot a Space Alien.

Probably they will kill it.

Stupid alien bastard will run into a farmer protecting his family, or a city crew protecting their turf, and it’s going to get itself all fucked up.

That’s when the ‘protocols’ come into play. These are all the things, the ramifications, of the first alien to normie interaction, whether being scattered with a shotgun, or stitched up with a Mac10, the protocols take over when the alien bits go flying.

Of course, there are all the Government to Space Alien WhatEverTheFuckTheyGot for a control structure issues. Maybe it’s the start of the Great Inter Species/ Inter Planetary or Inter Galactic War, but those only begin when officialdom, their’s and ours, learns of the shooting.

Prior to that, the serious Seven Rules of What to Do When You Shoot A Space Alien are El Jefe.

First up; Remember what your mama told you! Don’t Touch It! Or if you have to touch it, use a stick, or pliers or something. Don’t let your bare skin come in contact with it! You don’t want Space Alien Cooties!

Second Rule; Make sure the damn thing is dead! Poke it! Poke it twice. Maybe shoot it again. Whatever it takes. Make sure it is dead. Space aliens are tricky. We’ve all seen the movies.

Rule Three; You don’t party til the job is done. Grandize to Brandize! Make your videos, audio, take pictures, store your media safely….pesky aliens like to EMP stuff. You will be planning on making a BIG NOISE as the first human (that we know of) to blast a Space Alien so go wild. Video, maybe even streaming if it’s the start of an invasion...but copyright it, put your brand on it! You’re the FIRST! Glory in it!

Four is always about Time; Get your proof! Before Time spoils it. Bag some samples (with tongs or gloves!)! Put them into the freezer.

Five is to remember that Father knows Best: A crowbar provides good leverage. Store some proof at an alternative location. Just in case government gets pissy about shit. They love to just disappear you to end their problem. Don’t put all your alien in one basket and make it easy for them.

Six is to be always be Sanitary; Wash those hands (and clothes) after cleaning up your mess. Wear gloves. Assume that Alien Gunk, including Guts and Slime, are NOT healthy for humans, and other living earthy critters. Be sure to keep your dogs, cats, and livestock away.

Seven is Situational Awareness; are there any more? If so, reload.

Admittedly these are more guidelines than rules, after all, you will be the first, so you will get to decide how it is done, but do remember what your mama said, “kid, don’t touch that. You don’t know where it’s been!”.

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