THE NON-FUNGIBLES WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!! FUGITABOUTIT! – A PARODY
A typical tourist from out of state is visiting New York City. He has been making the rounds to see the sights - like the Empire State building, the Statue of Liberty and Central Park.
As he is walking by a skyscraper, he hears a man hollering out to the fast-paced crowd of people walking by: “Get your NFTs here! Get your non-fungibles! Get ‘em while their hot!”
The tourist then walks over the man. “What is a non-fungible?”
The man in a loose-fitting suit gives the guy the New York stare, as if saying, “I can’t believe you asked me that question!”.
“Are you kiddin’ me? You must be from out of town. You came to the right guy. Follow me to my office, have I got a deal for you!” The guy then walks briskly around the corner without slowing down and slips into a side alley. The tourist had a difficult time just keeping up - but he maneuvered his way around the crowd on the street and followed the man into the alley.
The New Yorker then opens up his suit jacket and pulls out a glossy, fold out, photo display of objects that he was selling.
“Here’s the deal man, a non-fungible is an image of an item that is locked into protected computer space that you can buy and trade. You wanna make money don’t you?”
The out of towner looks at the man sheepishly and says, “Well, yeah, who doesn’t?”
The street salesman responds. ”I knew yous was a smart guy, I’ve gotta deal for you man. See this photo of the Brooklyn bridge? I sold that to a guy 6 months ago for $10,000 and last week he sold it for $10 million!”
The man then points to another photo on the fold out color paper. “See this sub-tropical paradise on the oceanfront in Florida? I sold that for $1,000 last week and my cousin sold it for $10,000 yesterday.”
The tourist stands there in disbelief with his hands in his pockets and then speaks up. “But I don’t understand, you sold the actual objects?”
The New Yorker then throws is hands in the air, “You gotta be kiddin’ me man? Where are you from?”
“Idaho.” The man says in a low voice.
“There’s your problem right there!” The New Yorker says. “The out of towners haven’t heard about the most recent way to make money! You came to the right guy, now listen up. Let me ‘splain something to ya man. A fungible is something that has equal value to something else. Like a sack of Idaho potatoes can be traded for a sack of carrots of equal value. And a barrel of oil in one state can be traded to another barrel of oil in another state. But, a non-fungible item, an NFT, a Non-Fungible Token, is an image of items, art work, photos, or an event. It has its own identifying serial number and can be traded with bitcoins or cash. And the buyer then owns that image of the item and can look at it on the computer anytime, or sell the image to someone else for a profit - since there are a limited number of them created in cyberspace. Are you with me so far?”
“I think so.” The tourist replies. “So, you are selling images of items, photos or events, and own the right to sell that image to someone else.”
“You got it man! You’re a natural, you could put me out of a job here.” The New Yorker comments.
The out of towner thinks for a second. “Have you got an NFT of Trump standing in front of Trump Tower?”
“It just so happens I have one left of that exact image, and I can give you a deal on it for $600.”
“$600?!? Weren’t they just released yesterday for $99?” The tourist asked.
“Fugitaboutit man, that was yesterday!” The New Yorker says, as he lifts his shoulders up and puts out both of his hands in an animated manner to make an explanation. “It has been sold several times since then man, and $600 is a steal. It will be worth $5,000 by the end of the month!”
The man then shuffles back and forth and then turns back to the tourist. “Let me axe you a question. I know yous are from out of town, and don’t know about such things, but I’m telling ya man, this is where it’s at! This is the juice! If you wanna make money you gotta do this, I’m tellin’ ya. If I’m lyin’, I’m dying here. Look, I’ll tell ya what I’ll do, I’ll give ya a break since you are out of town and new here. I’ll let you steal it from me for $500 and I’ll make all the arrangements on my phone right now.”
The tourist then thinks a few seconds, “Ok, let’s do it. Here’s the $500. I can’t wait to tell my wife we’re going to make some money on this trip.”
The New Yorker smiles, then pulls out his large cell phone and types in a few lines, asks the man for his name and contact info, then pushes a button. “It’s done man, the NFT of Trump standing in front of Trump tower is all yours. Congrats!”
“Do I get anything in my hand?” The tourist asks.
“Nope, not at all, that’s the beauty of NFTs, no fuss, no mess, no storage fees, no taxes - nuttin’ to worry about man, fugitaboutit! I've sent it to your email address and all the information is there waiting for you."
“Wow that’s amazing!” The tourist said. “The Federal Reserve better not hear about this or else they’ll start making money into non-fungibles.”
“Are you kiddin’ me?” The New Yorker says. “Where do you think I got the idea from? My uncle is on the New York Fed board and told me all about it. The government is printing up money out of thin air, backed by nothing tangible and there‘s no end in sight! We’re fighting a war with NFTs, and most of the so called military equipment doesn’t even reach Ukraine. Everybody wants a piece of the action, and with non-fungibles everyone can have a piece of the action, under the table of course, if ya know what I mean.”
“But, correct me if I’m wrong.” The out of towner says. “Eventually, don’t people need real tangible, fungibles, and all those non-fungibles may become worthless?”
“Of course man, but that’s the beauty of it.” The New Yorker explains. “While everyone is buying and the electricity works and we can still use computers, there will always be a demand for NFTs. A guy makes the dough while the value is high and then you take yer profits - and the scheme will last as long as the music is still playing. And who cares when the music stops and the last sucker is left holding a worthless image that was on a computer screen. That’s his problem, not yours man! It's the American way! Fugitaboutit!
George Eaton
