By Margaret Anna Alice - September 17, 2022

Are you wondering if it’s a good idea to give your kid the COVID shot?

I know there’s an ocean of mis/dis/mal/information out there to navigate, so I’ve compiled this handy list of reasons you’ll want to rush your child to the nearest injection site stat:

1) Your child wants to play a real-life guinea pig.

2) You’re too busy to research the potential risks of a novel gene therapy that lacks long-term safety data.

3) You weighed the zero-mortality rate and microscopic risks of serious complications from COVID to children and thought, why not increase the likelihood of being hospitalized by 74 percent, being injured by twenty-five times, and dying by twenty times?

4) You’d like to boost your child’s chances of catching COVID—multiple times.

5) You want to downgrade your child’s natural immunity to antibody-dependent enhancement.

6) You think keeping your child’s vaxxport up-to-date with the latest injection (Germany is encouraging every ninety days—as is Canada) will circumvent the need for masking.

7) You believe informed consent is passé.

8) You Trust The Experts™—not science.

9) You think life is boring and want to spice it up with some tragedy.

10) You’d like to add to the 54,697 adverse event reports received for children (out of 1,394,703 reports) through August 26, 2022, for conditions such as encephalitis, Bell’s palsy, aneurysms, cerebral hemorrhage, myocarditis, thrombocytopenia, Guillain-Barré syndrome, appendicitis, heart disease, and death.

11) You wish your child could enjoy a life of chronic illness from a progressively damaged immune system.

12) You think your toddler would benefit from periodic seizures.

13) You believe less than a month of efficacy after the second dose is worth giving your teen myocarditis.

14) You would like to go bankrupt covering the medical bills the government is shielding pharmaceutical companies from.

15) You want to keep protecting manufacturers from liability once their emergency use authorizations expire thanks to Reagan’s 1986 National Childhood Vaccine Act, which gives them a pass as long as the product is administered to kids.

16) You think it would be fun if your child developed turbo cancer.

17) You believe becoming paralyzed from the waist down and relying on a feeding tube like Maddie de Garay would be a good life lesson for your kid.

19) You wish you could feel like this father did after his son got vaxx-induced myocarditis, which comes with a five-year life expectancy.

20) You want your child to experience the adventure of a heart attack.

21) You think playing Russian Roulette with your child’s life is exciting and are already planning the funeral.

22) You want casket manufacturers to sell even more bulk orders of child-sized coffins so they can surpass the 400-percent increase since December 2021 reported by one North American company.

23) You want your child to wind up like . . .

[SNIP]