A parody (satire) submitted by CGI member, MaxtheMAGAnificent.
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Absolutely Mind-Blowing Captured Zoom Call Transcript with Biden's New Drag Queen Nuclear Appointee, Sam Brinton (Parody)
Participants:
Sam Brinton, newly appointed Deputy Assistant Secretary of (Nuclear) Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition, United States Department of Energy, Office of Nuclear Energy
Admiral Rachel Levine, Four-Star Admiral, United States Public Health Service Commissioned Corps, Fleet Admiral of the U.S. Navy Eighth Fleet (permanently based at Philadelphia, PA)
Peter Paul Montgomery Buttigieg, United States Secretary of Transportation
RuPaul Andre Charles (known universally as “RuPaul”), American drag queen, television judge, recording artist, and model
Michael LaVaughn Robinson (better known as “Michelle Obama”), Former first “lady” of the United States, “wife” (really husband) of former United States President Barry Soetoro (better known as Barack Hussein Obama)
Miguel Angel Cardona, United States Secretary of Education
Transcript: [extreme language and gross references warning] [preferred pronouns are used throughout the transcript]
Robinson: I cannot believe that we are finally actually all together on the same Zoom call!
RuPaul: Oh, Michael, how is my best boy Barry? I love him so much!
Robinson: Ru, you know they are mine forever! Barry is just loving their third term as president…you remember when they told the press that their dream was to sit in a basement somewhere in D.C. with their phone and just tell some jerk-off sitting in the White House what to do, remember that? They could get everything they wanted done transforming America into a Marxist utopia without having to answer to anybody, especially the f***ing citizens of the United States. Well now they have got everything they wanted except somehow they ended up with a real jerk-off in the White House, that cracker they knew f***ed up everything he touched when he was VP.
RuPaul: Well at least their jerk-off resident in the White House is a genuine pedo…you know how close we trannies are getting to the pedo’s in our cause for inclusion and equity.
Robinson: Yeah, I guess you take the good with the bad. That’s not the half of it…how about that c*** Kamala. Willie Brown told me that she is impossible in bed. I feel bad for the straights sometimes…you know Willie’s willie is nothing to write home about and all Kamala did when they were trying to do it was laugh hysterically at it…you know that’s something she does inappropriately in press conferences when somebody asks her a question she can’t answer, which is most of the time. The White House is a total clusterf***.
Sec’y Buttigieg: Tell me about it! You wouldn’t believe the cabinet meetings. I mean very few of us have any idea why we’re sitting there, but the one guy who really has no idea why he is there is Biden. It’s a good thing that Barry has that ear-bud in Joe’s head so that that f***er has something to say. Mike, you’ve got to tell Barry that it’s not really working with Joe and they have to come up with a replacement sooner rather than later.
Sec’y Cardona: Yeah Mrs. Obama, you know that cock-sucker Trump is supposed to be actually executing on the Q plan to take down our entire administration and we all have to be honest with each other…the guy is a f***ing evil genius…having a doddering old pedo like Joe in there is just playing into Trump’s hands. We’ve got big swinging-dick Republicans like Mitch and Lindsey firmly on our side…but f***ing Trump is going after them too! What the f***!
Admiral Levine: I would give anything to get with Lindsey, he’s so cute!
Sec’y Buttigieg: Oh my god, Rach, you too? I’ve got first dibs!! You know cabinet secretaries outrank admirals don’t ya!
Admiral Levine: Petey, you’re married with newly acquired twins! I’m the only member of this administration who has been divorced from both a man and a woman. You can’t be serious!
Robinson: Ok, Ok, let’s get back to why we’re all together on this call. We’re here to talk about and honor Barry’s latest and most important appointment of one of our own to their…I mean sort of Joe’s… administration, Sam Brinton. Our Sammy is going to be our Deputy Assistant Secretary of Nuclear Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition in the United States Department of Energy, Office of Nuclear Energy. Can you believe it?!?!
[several voices overlapping]: Oh Sammy, you are so beautiful…now I really want to f*** you again and again…here I am Sammy, woof woof!…muffled speech
Robinson: Also, I asked Barry’s Secretary of Education, Miquel Cardona, who is unfortunately not one of us…but he does have a really cute ass…to listen in so that he can better understand and appreciate the whole LGBTQP+ culture and pass that understanding and appreciation onto the young children of America through his department. Gender fluidity is going to be the true core of American education in the 21st century and Miguel here is going to be the guy ramming it in hard in our schools.
[several voices overlapping]: Thanks Mr. Secretary…wonderful…truly important…muffled speech
Robinson: I know that all of us know Sam so very well and he needs no introduction, but for Secretary Cardona’s benefit, I just wanted to go over Sam’s qualifications to be Barry’s Deputy Assistant Secretary of Nuclear Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition in the United States Department of Energy, Office of Nuclear Energy.
Sec’y Cardona: Thanks Mrs. Obama, that would be super interesting to know.
Robinson: Well, let me enumerate Sammy’s really unique credentials for this job. Sammy came out at a young age as bisexual to their two Southern Baptist missionary parents and it was extremely difficult for Sammy. After coming out, they were subjected to physical and emotional abuse and ultimately Sam’s parents sent them to so-called conversion therapy, the long-debunked practice of seeking to change someone’s sexual orientation. For more than two years, Sam endured physical and emotional torture but since then they have really healed those wounds. Sam is now proudly bisexual and identifies as the ultimate gender-fluid person…they are a proud drag queen and “pup handler”…that’s a gay man who leads other gay men dressed in fetish gear around as they pretend to be dogs, before having sex with them…and they are totally into bestiality. They are an expert in the kink lifestyle and have lectured extensively in tension forces of bondage, thermodynamics of wax play, and the physics of impact, and circuits of electro play.
Sec’y Cardona: Wow, those certainly are unique credentials for a Deputy Assistant Secretary of Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition in the United States Department of Energy, Office of Nuclear Energy!
Brinton: Mikey, I just want to mention that I do have dual masters degrees in nuclear and mechanical engineering from MIT that have allowed me to do major research in tension forces of bondage, thermodynamics of wax play, and the physics of impact, and circuits of electro play.
Robinson: Sammy, that is so totally racist! I can’t believe that you would bring up that disgusting MIT white supremacist academic bullsh*t…you know why Barry appointed you and don’t forget it: you’re a f***ing drag queen and pup handler and that’s why you got this job.
Brinton: Got it. In fact I’ve been so busy f***ing every man and animal in sight since I left MIT that I really don’t remember anything I learned there anyway.
Robinson: Yeah, that’s good.
Admiral Levine: That’s why Barry commissioned me as an admiral! I am a f***ing pediatrician…I don’t know anything about these f***ing mothball boats in the Eighth Fleet. Thank God they just sit there and I don’t have to command them on the high seas…the last Celebrity gay cruise I was on it was so windy and the waves must have been three feet high…I thought I was going to die. Now look at me in my admiral’s uniform covered with cool stripes and gold buttons…the first tranny fleet admiral in the history of the United States Navy! I’m so proud of myself…and all because of Barry!
Sec’y Buttigieg: Hey, I was the mayor of a third rate version of a fourth rate town in Indiana…could not even fix the potholes after two terms in office…and Barry made me Secretary of Transportation of the whole damn United States of America! My husband could not believe it when Barry came through for us just because we are gay! We didn’t even have to give Barry a double BJ to make it happen…Mikey, they are the best!
Robinson: So Sammy, what are your plans for your new appointment as Deputy Assistant Secretary of Nuclear Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition in the United States Department of Energy, Office of Nuclear Energy?
Brinton: Well, the absolute first thing that I am going to do is implement the strongest, most comprehensive gender equity and inclusion program in the entire U.S. government into the Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition section of the Department of Energy. Heteros beware…I don’t care what your qualifications are for your job or how much experience you have, you may very well be toast! I will conduct a comprehensive, lifetime audit of every social media post of every person in the Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition section and if I find even the slightest negative innuendo regarding our LGBTQP+ community in any of it, that person is outa’ here. Every person in the section will be required to attend weekly education sessions in LGBTQP+ culture, inclusion, and equity, including advanced classes in such subjects as tension forces of bondage, thermodynamics of wax play, and the physics of impact, and circuits of electro play.
[several voices overlapping] Oh Sammy, they’re the best…I so want to f*** you so bad Sammy…woof, woof, woof! …muffled voices
Brinton: I will reform the Nuclear Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition section of the Energy Department so that it is the nexis for LGBTQP+ policy initiatives for inclusion and equity within the entire Department of Energy and I hope, in the future, that it will be recognized as the center of LGBTQP+ awareness and action within the entire U.S. government. Someday, we’ll make our beloved rainbow flag not just fly next to the incredibly racist and homophobic so-called stars-and-stripes, but above it on the flagpoles of all government buildings across the nation!
[several unintelligible voices overlapping that sound like multiple dogs barking for some reason]
Robinson: Oh Sammy, they’re the best! I know that Barry will be thrilled. Who knows, they may decide someday to replace that bitch Jen Granholm [U.S. Secretary of Energy] with our Sammy…she’s f***ing straight as an arrow and hasn’t done a thing for us since she was appointed…even as governor of Michigan.
RuPaul: Thank God that we have a great leader like Barry still running the country! He’ll make it all right.
Robinson: Thanks everybody for being with us today.
[transcript ends]
