THIS BOOK IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. IF YOU ARE NOT ENTERTAINED, SAVE THE BOOK IN CASE OF ANOTHER TOILET PAPER SHORTAGE.

EVER WONDER IF HUMANS ARE NUTS?

TAKE THE TEST

(1) Do you ever get annoyed, irritated, upset or angry when people, places and things don’t please you, but are content, happy, or joyful when they do please you? If so, you are merely a Yo-yo.

(2) Do you ever throw things, go ballistic, whine, pout, sulk or complain when things don’t go your way? If so, you are just a crybaby.

(3) Are you ever unreasonable, illogical, irrational, or non-sensible (say and do things that are not beneficial for you, or others) if so, you are the very definition of nuts.

You don’t have to be nuts to enjoy all that is life, but it helps.

ELEVEN THOUGHTS ABOUT LIFE AND HUMANS

1. You were born because two humans you never met had unprotected sex. “Happy birthday!”

2. Your first breath was a battle-cry, and your last breath will be a sigh, and in-between is mystery, wonder and magic as you spin life’s realities into your own. So mount-up, rise to the challenge, engage the adventure for all you are worth, for in old-age and with fond reflection you will realize it was the struggle, the fight and the battle that made life worth living. Yet how serene and joyful you will be if you engaged the wrath of life with a cheerful heart and vanquished your foes with a smile, a chuckle, and a mighty laugh, because by then you will know, life’s insanity was but your own.

3. You’re gonna get old, sick, and die in an old folks home drugged-up, or you might get lucky and fall off a cliff and die screaming.

4. From the moment you ejected your prenatal escape pod, your mind was bombarded with the mystical cosmic boondoggle that is earth-life and the nefarious nonsensical absurdities that pass as human thinking. Your electro-plasmic consciousness creates the very delusion you call earth-life which mysteriously arose when two lost galactic orgasmic dumpster-divers mistook earth for an intergalactic bordello.

5. Humans were born with clear, open, free, unpolluted minds: no thoughts, no beliefs, no faiths, no religion, no theology, philosophy, theory, no biases, prejudices, opinions, no likes and dislikes, and no conclusions, illusions or delusions about life, but THAT didn’t last long because their parents programmed, indoctrinated, and brainwashed them.

6. If brainwashing during human’s milk-sucking-years wasn’t enough to drive them insane, along came their weird uncles, crazy aunts and goofy friends spouting their cockamamie opinions and beliefs. Humans might have survived that onslaught, but then came culture, society, schooling, advertising and Hollywood brandishing their self-serving propaganda. The murder of human minds as sane thinkers was not an accident. It was a premeditated and preordained and a done-deal-conspiracy by humans to turn other humans into mindless, obedient, and productive societal drones–and it worked. If a human thinks it did not work, it is proof that it did.

7. Raise up a child in the way it should go (program it) and it will submit to its parent’s nonsense until it’s a teenager when its brain starts working and it questions its parent’s beliefs, faith, religion, opinions, biases, prejudices and conclusions about everything (but will feign agreement with their parents nonsense as long as they can live at home, borrow the family car, and pretend their parents aren’t nuts.

8. If humans think clearly, it’s a miracle of nature. If humans think they think clearly, it’s a miracle of programing and indoctrination.

9. Using words to explain things creates conundrums, contradictions, enigmas, oxymorons, duality, contrast, opposites, pimples, warts and mental compost. Words (thoughts) are inaccurate representations of what reality isn’t. The only somewhat accurate reality is what you sense, without translating what you sense into mental mush.

10.
Ninety-nine percent of humans have beliefs about life but are too busy to examine them; 78% are afraid to examine them; 50% don’t care if their beliefs are true; 97% believe that their beliefs are the only true beliefs and everyone else’s beliefs cause arthritis, and the 1% who have actually experienced and know the truth about life and tell others are hunted down and killed by the 257% who believe life isn’t funny.

11. Life’s “purpose” is not to personally torment and torture you. Life’s “purpose” is to torment and torture everyone, but not everyone boobs about it. Don’t be a boob. No one likes boobs (exceptions noted).

MUCH TO MANY HUMAN'S DISAPPOINTMENT, THIS BOOK OF 300 PLUS NUMBERED THOUGHTS WILL BE EXPOSED HERE (10 THOUGHTS, OR THEREABOUTS) AT A TIME. nem