From CGI member Mike..
We, as an Authorized Diecision Making Body, composed of experts recommended by the International Sociopathological Institute of Practicing Psychopathological Specialists, and authorized to establish (See http://cgi.rumormillnews.com/cgi-bin/forum.cgi?read=9755 ; paragraphs two and three.) uniform guide lines for the reporting of mortality rates ascribed to the Corona virus, do now announce revision to previous determination of mortality rate by clarifying the definition of morbidity.
Hereinafter Corona virus morbidity state shall be defined as living.
The original diecision to not include both bodies domiciled in cemeteries and road kill in the Corona virus mortality rate was based on dearth of fact supporting inclusion. Sufficient supportive fact has now been advanced by those members of the Authorized Diecision Making Body who advocated the above mentioned inclusions.
Evidence would suggest that Corona virus factually may have existed on this Earth for many thousands of years. Further evidence would suggest that, although the virus has not yet caused an extinction level event for mankind, the fact that the hypothetical Butterfly Effect could conceivably cause such an event necessitates that these two facts be included in the assessment of the current viral pandemic panic.
Whereas the Butterfly Effect is incalculable the Authorized Diecision Making Body has shaped policy to preclude miscalculation by factually including the calculation that possibly everyone on the Earth is infected. Additionally, since no testing has been done to date or throughout known history on the interred, it is conceivable that all deaths might be directly or indirectly Corona virus related by the factual determination of the Body that the Butterfly Effect can be considered to be responsible for both this viral pandemic panic and all deaths throughout known history.
This assemblage of facts has yielded a two pronged approach to fighting this extinction level event.
The first recommendation by the Authorized Diecision Making Body is a simplified and one hundred percent reliable test that can be administered uniformly by uniformed testing personnel. If an individual can be killed then that individual was obviously living and therefore infected as indicated by the revised definition of Corona virus morbidity state. Since this test does not require exhaustive training a great deal of the cost of universal testing can be eliminated by employing less expensive uniformed personnel.
The second recommendation is to eradicate the Butterfly Effect since it is factually considered to be responsible for all historical deaths. The Authorized Diecision Making Body is suggesting that the entire non-essential surface of the Earth be aeronautically sprayed with battery acid. (See http://cgi.rumormillnews.com/cgi-bin/forum.cgi?read=9755 ; "...testing has indicated that the most practical and effective hygienic product available is battery acid.") The only exceptions will be essential areas. This recommendation will eliminate all butterflies and those things which possess appendages which either are wings or which might be imagined to disturb the air in any way.
The Authorized Diecision Making Body factually believes that these two suggestions will dramatically increase the chances for essential survival. Our priority is long term essential safety.
The Authorized Diecision Making Body will soon be revising it's Title to Supreme Universal Diecision Making Body due to a recent discovery concerning properties of the Corona virus.
It has been discovered that the Corona virus can both remain suspended in air and travel farther than previously presumed. In light of this discovery the Body has factually considered that the virus poses a threat to the entire universe. An analysis has factually yielded solid hypothetics that one or more viruses could have been transferred to the upper atmosphere of the Earth and been swept into space by the solar winds sweeping around the planet there to be subject to cryopreservation. This represents what the Body factually considers to be a clear and present danger to the universe thus prompting an authorized diecision by the Body to restructure existing authorization to promulgate effective regulatory mandatory safety suggestions on a universal level. It was factually determined by the Body that Supreme Universal Authority would be sufficient for the task, unless revised determination should suggest greater.
The aforementioned task will be to preemptively protect the essential aspects and assets in what the Supreme Body has factually determined to be an uninformed universe. Recommendations will be made on topics such as safe planetary distances in all solar systems, safe star distances within galaxies and elsewhere, safe galactic distancing and suggestions prohibiting the clustering of more than five galaxies in one location, travel restrictions and bans for all non-essential discrete bodies such as asteroids, rogue planets and stars and other common sense suggestions for the well being of the essential universe. The Supreme Universal Diecision Making Body will keep you informed of the facts.
Additionally, the Supreme Universal Diecision Making Body has decided that a revised stated purpose is essential to this new task.
Re-meme-ber; Death Is Non-Essential! Together We CAN Kill Essential Death!