Dear Tom,
Nearing half a century ago, I had the great experience of working long days in near isolation with a gifted man who became my mentor and friend. One day as we labored, he asked me, "Who are you?". When I finished laughing, I responded with my name. "WRONG! You are more than that label. Try again. Who are you?" My best attempt at a description of my physical condition was met with the same rebuke. "Wrong again. Strike two. You are more than the machine you inhabit. Contemplate your response before you try again." A prolonged, respectful silence grew between us. Finally, I broke it. "Mel, may I ask YOU a question?"
"You just did." was his response.
"No, seriously.", I pleaded. "Sure.", he said.
"Who the hell are YOU?", I asked.
"I,", he answered, "am the man who asks the question."
...............
...............
: I noticed while quite young that when my body was tired, it
: fell asleep, and when it was hungry and thirsty or
: otherwise uncomfortable, it screamed. And when it needed to
: eliminate, it did all by itself. As I got older I learned
: that water, food, clothing and shelter was needed by my
: body.
: Everything was about my body, UNTIL I learned and started
: THINKING. After that, I spent my life catering to my bodies
: needs and my mind’s demands.
: So then it was that my body’s needs and my mind’s needs, wants
: and desires ruled me.
: One day I decided to stop catering to my body and my mind. I
: started a fast, no food, just water, and kept my mind
: silent, refusing to listen to it’s thoughts.
: My body and mind rebelled, but I persisted, and they became
: quiet, and I discovered that I wasn’t my body and I wasn’t
: my mind. I was something else. What is that something else?
: I found that something else in the stillness of silence.
: Prior to food fasting and thought fasting, I never entertained
: the thought that I was anything but my mind and body. They
: were ME, and ME was given the name, Thomas, at birth. But I
: was about to experience a second birth, and that being is
: totally different than Thomas, is not Thomas.
: I discovered that I wasn’t my likes and dislikes, wasn’t my
: emotions, wasn’t my personality, wasn’t my intelligence,
: wasn’t what I know, wasn’t my opinions, judgements,
: beliefs, faith, feelings, and wasn’t my perspective and
: attitude. I discovered that I wasn’t any of those. And I
: wasn’t the labels that had been applied to me and that I
: applied to myself. I also wasn’t an observer or watcher or
: awareness. I do those things, but those things are not me
: either.
: During the transition from Thomas to “?”, I jockeyed back and
: forth, sometimes being Thomas and other times being “?”.
: But now, I play being Thomas when needed, or required, but
: mostly, I am “?” (there is a saying that goes like this:
: Before enlightenment–which I call, transition–you cut wood
: and haul water, and after the transition, you cut wood and
: haul water). You continue to live in the world–because you
: are still here–but you are no longer of the world.
: The most profound difference after the transition is that
: neither Thomas nor “?” have concerns. Both walk in peace.
: It is as if Thomas and “?” have merged, become one, yet are
: two. Neither Thomas nor “?” get anxious, fret, worry or
: fear. Both accept the reality that is–that cannot be
: changed–and work together to change the things that can be
: changed, and both do it without a thought or emotion other
: than that everything is perfect....per effect....is as it
: must be and cannot but be, until it isn’t. It is total
: acceptance of what IS at any given moment, thus the
: profound truth and saying, “IT IS WHAT IT IS.”
: So....what am I? Who am I? (AND of course, what and who are
: YOU....really?).
: At this point, the question is, “Who is asking?” And the
: answer is, Thomas is asking. Thomas, the ego, the human,
: wants to know, “Who is “?”. What is “?”. Who is this being
: that is at peace during every changing circumstance, who
: lives without inner-struggle or inner-resistence, who is at
: peace and enjoys all that life offers, all that life IS?
: To give it a name selected from human language–as many have
: done–is to humanize it, thus appropriately, it has no human
: name, though it can be called, “I am that I am....the
: nameless ONE”.