The Reptile Report #111199
MORE ON THE “COOKIE” FRONT

I just had a huge battle with the lurking “cookie” peddlers. I was doing a search using Netscape and suddenly found myself engaged in a major “cookie” fight. “Cookies” were flying at me hard and fast and I was reading them and CANCELing them just as fast. I was literally bombarded with demands to accept their crummy fare. When I stood my ground and refused them over and over again, you’ll never guess what they did! THEY LIED! Yes, they actually resorted to LYING.

Right in the midst of this outrageously bizarre battle of wills, my search turned up a page I was looking for. It appeared right on my screen only to disappear seconds later replaced by a Netscape page claiming that the page in question was NOT AVAILABLE! What a BIG FAT LIE! How could it be “not available” when I had just seen it? Then they proceeded to attack me with “cookies”, one after another. I couldn’t do a thing, except hit the CANCEL button over and over, blocking all those “cookies” they were throwing at me.

Then I got an idea. In the first pause between the flying “cookies” blitz I hit the BACK button and there it was, big as life, the so called “not available” page I wanted. But before I could read it, I was bounced to the Netscape LIAR’S PAGE and had to dodge another onslaught of “cookies”. CANCEL, CANCEL, CANCEL, CANCEL, I clicked in rapid succession. I felt like I was playing Pacman or some Nintendo-ish video game. As soon as a hairline fracture appeared in the solid wall of “cookies” I hit the BACK key again and when my page reappeared I quickly tried to copy it. Wham. I was bounced out again. CANCEL, CANCEL, CANCEL I clicked like I was firing an automatic weapon, rat-a-tat-tat-tat. When the predictable pause appeared again, I was ready. Click BACK and I’m at my page again. I tried, as fast as I could, to point, click and drag, to highlight the text but I wasn’t fast enough. They bounced me back to the bald faced lie page, “cookies” coming at me fast and furious. CANCEL, CANCEL, CANCEL, CANCEL I clicked with abandon.

As soon as I sensed their hesitation I hit the BACK button again! This went on for at least five or six tries. Finally, I managed to highlight the text, and with not even a second to spare, I hit the COMMAND COPY key and captured the page. “GOTCHA!” I shouted in triumph.

I left Netscape with it’s codpiece flapping in the wind, angrily demanding that I return immediately. It even told me we had “unfinished business” or some such nonsense. “Hahaha,” I laughed, as I thumbed my nose at the screen.

They continued to annoy me all the while I was writing this up. They flashed themselves on and off in the upper right corner of my screen, trying to distract me. They actually demanded my return and when I did, they had the audacity to try to foist another “cookie” on me! What an outrage! What nerve! Who do they think they are? They’re so aggressive, I almost expected them to accuse me of theft and demand that I return the page!

These “cookie” peddlers are sinister. In fact, they are downright menacing. They are far worse than television commercials. Have you ever heard of a television commercial refusing to let you watch your favorite program unless you watched it first?

Jana Janus

Omnipresent on The Mean Planet