I've been working on this book a long time. I threw it away once. It's mean. Been rewriting it. I've posted it here, the whole thing, and tidbits at times. But now I'm working on it again. The pic is the possible cover for now. what do you think? Below the cover are the first nineteen thoughts as they appear now, rough draft. Maybe I'll just throw the whole thing away again. Mostly I've been writing these thoughts for my personal entertainment, but it's fun too to share.
1. Everyone want to be happy because it feels good. There are only two ways to be happy. One way is if life never does anything you don’t like. The other way is to be happy no matter what life does. Only one works. Happiness is a decision. Happiness is not circumstance. If you are only happy when life goes your way, you will be miserable when it bonks you on the head. Which means half your life you will be bonkers.
2. Expect the best and be at peace with the rest.
3. Life is what it is, not what you think it is, unless you think it is, what it is, and for sure, it’s not that, however, without thinking, humans would not be funny and life would not be worth the price of admission even if the popcorn was free.
4. You may think that life was designed to personally torment and torture you, but it wasn’t. It was designed to torment and torture everyone, but not everyone boobs about it.
5. How did you get here? Two people you did not know had unprotected sex without your permission. “Happy Birthday!”
6. Life does not exist to please you. If you think so, its time to buy your own diapers.
7. You were born with a body that leaks. It’s mostly liquid and has more holes in it than a sponge. You’ll spend your whole life trying to keep it from squirting to death and lose.
8. You may have inherited a body that’s not healthy, athletic or shapely. Suing your parents won’t help. However, if you don’t compare yourself to anyone, you will have a happy life. If you refuse to do that, get a dog, cat or lobotomy.
9. You were born with two unique abilities, bad breath and gas. They are your weapons. Learn to use them. They may be the only super-powers you ever have.
10. You only get one body so you might want to take care of it just in case your life depends on it.
11. You came with personality quirks, disposition, temperament and attitude. You may not like what you came with. If no one likes what you came with, they made a T-shirt for you: “MEAN PEOPLE SUCK”.
12. You were born into a family, ethnic group, culture, society, government and nation. If you think that’s diabolical, wait ‘til you meet your in-laws.
13. You came with a male or female body or a moustache in a mysterious place. If you like the sex you’re not, that’s how you roll. Others roll different. Try not to be a butt about it.
14. You can be and do and have anything you want. No one will try to stop you except your mind, thoughts, other humans and everything else.
15. If you’re too lazy to watch and control your every thought, word and deed you’re like most humans. You’ll arrive at the end of your life and blame the wrong person.
16. When life kicks your butt instead of kissing it and you freak out and throw things, consider becoming the poster-child for “HUMANS ARE NUTS”.
17. If you spell the word “human” backwards it spells, “humans are nuts.” If you spell it forward it spells, “Your still nuts.”
18. YOU are the Genie in the bottle. You make the wish and you make it happen. You decide your life. If you do not decide, welcome to your happenstance life living under a bridge at eighty years old wondering who drank the water your dentures were in.
19. The non-human natural state is peace, happiness, joy, bliss and ecstacy. The human natural state is stress, depression, worry, fear and anger. The quickest way to stop being human and be at peace, happy, joyful, blissful and ecstatic is to stop thinking, stop having opinions, stop drawing conclusions and stop judging. Or take drugs. Drinking works too.
