FROM BOOKLET: HUMANS ARE NUTS 9 - 20
(beginning, 1-8 below)
9. There are as many different types of crybabies as there are broken pacifiers.
10. Sneaky crybabies are like Halloween tricker-treaters pretending to be who they are not. It isn’t until after they are in a relationship that they take off their masks and you realize you’ve been tricked–and you’re the treat!”
11. Whiney crybabies pollute a room like a spraying skunk. Whiners dispense disharmony when they pout, mope and sulk. They lack appreciation and are so self-centered they think other humans were invented to serve them.
12. Fault-finding crybabies judge and condemn. They may not mean to hurt people, yet their walk and talk creates gloom and doom, and, they’re often meanspirited just for the miserable fun of it. If it’s your misfortune to run into one (and you will) hopefully your car wasn’t hurt, you won’t be as lucky.
13. Mean crybabies are cruel, and enjoy hurting people. They get off mentally and emotionally pushing and pulling you down. On the playground of life they are the bullies from hell bent for a bruisin’.
14. Con Artist crybabies use their minds, emotions and bodies to trick, bamboozle and manipulate people and situations. They lack empathy and think it’s funny to pour gasoline on a cat, light it up and ignite a neighborhood.
15. The most common sound of the crybaby species in the wild is, “LIFE ISN’T FAIR!”
16. When a baby is born it gets spanked and cries. Adult crybabies never got over it. They just keep on crying.
17. Crybabies are illogical, unreasonable and disconnected from reality (and those are their good points).
18. There are real crybabies and fake crybabies. Real
crybabies are born with bad-baggage. They are naturally prideful, arrogant, self-important, overbearing, insulting, abusive, vain, conceited, in love with themselves to much, egotistical, narcissistic, begrudging, resentful, envious, jealous, and greedy (other than that they are jerks). Fake crybabies are not nearly as bad. They’ve been programmed to fear life. They think life is out to get them (which it is) thus they are nervous, stressed, high-strung and their own worst enemy. 19. The U.S.A. has become the Crybaby Capital of the World. Maybe we should all be crybabies about crybabies (I’m doing my part by boobing about them) while accepting the reality that they actually do for real exist and, that we have to deal with them whether we like it or not.
20. If you are a crybaby, try accepting the reality that is life and quit being afraid that life will hurt you and kill you (it will) but quit boobing about it. When something happens that you don’t like, deal with it intelligently, then let go, get over it and move on. If you do that, “Welcome to the ‘real’ world where life is what it is.”
More to follow:
Next: Welcome to Earth - What were you thinking?
HUMANS ARE NUTS 1 - 8
1. You might be nuts if you think life was designed to personally torment and torture you–it wasn’t. It was designed to torment and torture everyone, but not everyone boobs about it.
2. In the “nut” category are people whose job in life is to complain their way to happiness. These people are crybabies who require a never ending supply of pacifiers to be content and happy, and if they don’t get them they have emotional zit fits.
3. If you are a crybaby (and at the astronomical chance that you want to quit moaning and groaning when not having sex) I have the cure. I know the cause and I’ll try to be kind presenting it even though you don’t know where I live.
4. Why am I trying to help crybabies stop having brain implosions? Because they’re everywhere and I’m too young to live alone in a cave, and curing them is one way of reducing their population (since hunting them is illegal). If there were fewer crybabies I would go to social gatherings again (at such events I used to say, “Would you like some cheese with that whine?” Now I don’t go). If you say I have issues with crybabies then you’d also have to say I have issues with getting cornered by a rattlesnake, but I don’t, because rattlesnakes will warn you before they strike–usually.
5. If you live with a crybaby you’ve learned to walk on egg shells. Most people have reasons for allowing crybabies to torture them, which is lucky for the crybaby because otherwise she-he would be instant omelet.
6. Being a crybaby is not as bad as being an emotional-drama-pimp. However, if there are energy vampires, crybabies get more suck per mile than any other suckers.
7. Crybabies have firecrackers for brains and everyone they meet carries a lit match. When you meet one if you have the wrong look on your face, wrong body language or say the wrong thing they will ignite and explode in a New York minute–which is about 3 seconds (when that happens I say, “Please excuse me if I don’t hang around for the show. I have to go throw myself on a cactus”).
8. Most people would rather watch reruns of reruns of bad sequels than face the wrath of a crybaby who didn’t get what it wanted.