HUMANS ARE NUTS

FROM THE NEW BOOKLET: HUMANS ARE NUTS
( 1 through 8 OF 200 )

1. You might be nuts if you think life was designed to personally torment and torture you–it wasn’t. It was designed to torment and torture everyone, but not everyone boobs about it.

2. In the “nut” category are people whose job in life is to complain their way to happiness. These people are crybabies who require a never ending supply of pacifiers to be content and happy, and if they don’t get them they have emotional zit fits.

3. If you are a crybaby (and at the astronomical chance that you want to quit moaning and groaning when not having sex) I have the cure. I know the cause and I’ll try to be kind presenting it even though you don’t know where I live.

4. Why am I trying to help crybabies stop having brain implosions? Because they’re everywhere and I’m too young to live alone in a cave, and curing them is one way of reducing their population (since hunting them is illegal).
If there were fewer crybabies I would go to social gatherings again (at such events I used to say, “Would you like some cheese with that whine?” Now I don’t go).
If you say I have issues with crybabies then you’d also have to say I have issues with getting cornered by a rattlesnake, but I don’t, because rattlesnakes will warn you before they strike–usually.

5. If you live with a crybaby you’ve learned to walk on egg shells. Most people have reasons for allowing crybabies to torture them, which is lucky for the crybaby because otherwise she-he would be instant omelet.

6. Being a crybaby is not as bad as being an emotional-drama-pimp. However, if there are energy vampires, crybabies get more suck per mile than any other suckers.

7. Crybabies have firecrackers for brains and everyone they meet carries a lit match. When you meet one if you have the wrong look on your face, wrong body language or say the wrong thing they will ignite and explode in a New
York minute–which is about 3 seconds (when that happens I say, “Please excuse me if I don’t hang around for the show. I have to go throw myself on a cactus”).

8. Most people would rather watch reruns of reruns of bad sequels than face the wrath of a crybaby who didn’t get what it wanted.

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