Why DID the chicken cross the road?
There are some questions that defy answers. Stuck
with such a dilemma I burned up the information
highway in search of said answer.
It came in an email from the wife, who didnít
know I was pondering the inquiry but resolved
So you donít lose sleep, go without shaving,
and get jittery from too much caffeine, here
Why did the chicken cross the road?Ö
some celebrated answers.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road
because, gosh-darn it, heís a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be clear, the chicken
crossed the road because it was time for
change! The chicken wanted change! Real
change! Change he could believe in!
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed
the road because he recognized the need to
engage in cooperation and dialogue with all
the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I
personally helped that little chicken to cross
the road. This experience makes me uniquely
qualified to ensure, right from Day One, that
every chicken in this country gets the chance
it deserves to cross the road. But then, this
really isnít about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We donít really care why the
chicken crossed the road. We just want to know
if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.
The chicken is either with us or against us.
There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Whereís my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen,
you can clearly see the satellite image of the
chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken
cross the road, I am now against it! It was the
wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chickenís intentions. I am not for it now, and
will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We
need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this
chicken wonít realize that he must first deal
with the problem on this side of the road before
it goes after the problem on the other side of
the road. What we need to do is help him realize
how stupid heís acting by not taking on his
current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is
having problems, which is why he wants to cross
this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken
learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a
part of life, Iím going to give this chicken a NEW
CAR so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe
there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because
heís guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent,
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which
way that chicken was going. I had a standing order
at the Farmerís Market to sell my eggs when the
price dropped to a certain level. No little bird
gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he
cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the
road, but why it crossed Iíve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didnít ask why the chicken
crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken
crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isnít that interesting? In a few
moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell,
for the first time, the heart warming story of how
it experienced a serious case of molting, and went
on to accomplish itís lifelong dream of crossing
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world
crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2013, which
will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file
your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2013.
This new platform is much more stable and will never
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the
road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?