*SONG* “I Dreamed A Dream” by Susan Boyle
There was a party…
It feels impossible to write.
The circle of light…
Sitting there with them…as before, like
So many times. Brishan, in his uniform,
Varence beside him…that determined look on
His face…and then Ceres, who was quiet
And fierce looking…this was the most
Uncomfortable meeting by far.
“He has to write this now.” Varence said,
Nodding at me. “Tell them.”
“Why?” Ceres said looking away, then back
To me. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“Yes, he does.” Varence insisted, nodding.
“And he has to tell them right now.”
An uncomfortable pause.
Brishan’s friendly face watched me…
Waiting. “You said you would.”
I had to think of a way. I swear I
Felt like it was being pulled out of me.
“Tell them.” Varence’s voice was like
Some magnet making it happen.
This is not fiction. I wish it were.
I will do the best I can.
There was a party in the fall of 1990…
It was around this time of year, early
October. The first frost came early
That year…it was one of those fall
Seasons where everything felt more intense…
Everything. Moods were more unsettled,
There was a lot of tension because of
The news and the situation with the
Gulf War building. It was a dark time.
People were strange, friendly but not…
Like everyone was uncomfortable and
The stress levels were so high it felt as
Though you were walking on egg shells
Everywhere you went.
Words seem to feel like they are being
Pulled from my head.
Maybe the best way to explain this is
To start earlier, earlier that year
There was a boy, 18, who was readying
To graduate from high school back in
May. It started out normal, your typical
High school graduation excitement I
Suppose. Is that typical?
He had been having a lot of paranormal
Dreams that May…dreaming in foreign
Languages…Well, at first he thought
They were nonsense…
Then he has this dream of this mysterious
Beautiful blond woman who had been
Visiting his dreams throughout his life…
Always appearing before something
This time she appeared, she was very
Pregnant…very, very pregnant. She told
Him things about some strange future
Involving outer space and travelers.
It was then she had finally told him
For the first time that she was not from
Earth…that she came to visit him to
Ease his mind, that no matter what
Happens that he was going to be alright…
To keep going no matter how terrible
It felt…that one day it would make
Sense. But she was forbidden to say
Too much. Only that when he was older
He would do important things…That she
Had to leave to go home to have her child.
For her people, having a baby was a serious
Event…They devoted years to raising their
Children, to them new life was precious…And
They spent at least the first 30 years of
The child’s life preparing them for…
Their path. Then she said a few other
Things, and explained he would not see
Her again for a long time, that soon
Her replacement would come to…guide him?
Then she was gone.
Strange dream of course, they always
Were. After school he went to see his
Grandmother to tell her about these
Dreams…About the nonsense languages
He dreamt in…He recited phrases. That’s
When she told him, it wasn’t nonsense…
He was dreaming in Russian? But how
Could he, he had never been to Russia
Nor knew its language.
It terrified him because these dreams
Were of the past…Another life…
Where he had died, shot in the chest
At close range by a guard in some prison
Camp…full of political prisoners and
Their families…He was breaking up a
Fight of men bullying his little brother
When the guards came and fired into
The crowd…The bullets hit him in the
Chest…He hit the ground…The people
Were screaming in Russian, “Get the
Surgeon!” His brother hovered over him,
Begging not to be left alone…It was a
Camp of men, they bullied all the younger
Ones…Voices faded…as he lay on the ground
Staring up into the sky…the clouds opened
Up into a blinding light that grew…
And there was singing, beautiful choirs
Singing from the light, until everything
Was a blinding golden-white light…
Then there was no feeling, no memories,
Only the light and singing…
It ended with the strong sense of
Guilt of leaving him behind unprotected.
The bullets didn’t hurt, there was no feeling,
Only pressure, no breath…only feelings…
The bond with this brother…And the pull of
The singing and the light…
There is no tunnel…When Heaven takes you,
Everything becomes a blinding golden-white
Light…Feelings and memories exist…And
The physical becomes a meaningless
Dream. The singing is endless, with
Music…It is the greatest peace to know.
He told this to his grandmother…
He used to rub, massage, her knees and
Feet after school…She was trying to
Influence him to become a physical
Therapist, like she had been…For a
Proper, respectable, money-making future.
This also helped her walk, as she told
Him he had some kind of miraculous
Hands that gave her the ability to
But she was more consumed by herself
And her health problems…His dreams
Made her nervous…She had always told
Him that he inherited the family ‘gift’
From her mother…Who dreamt and saw
Things before they happened…But it was
A dark gift, evil…He had to pray for God
To make it stop…The Bible teaches us
These things are not meant for us, only
God and His Angels. He had to pray
Constantly to make it stop…or it
Would consume him, drive him crazy
And God would be angry with him…The
Devil touches us this way sometimes to
Play with our minds…to stray from
God…etc.etc.etc…An endless lecture…
A lecture of the biggest bullshit
Ever shoveled on a young mind to scare
Them to death!
After the lecture…she tells him she
And his grandfather are moving to
Florida at the end of May…
What about my graduation?
She had already seen his mother, his
Uncle and sister graduate…These things
Are all the same…Her health was more
Important…She was suffering various
Health issues…Florida is a miraculous
Place you know, people live longer there,
Are healthier, etc…Didn’t he care about
Her health? He was being selfish asking
Her to stay for a graduation that had
No meaning really…seen one seen them
All…He was literally struck numb
The things she said…it was as if this
Highly spiritual, religious old world woman
From Europe…had become another
Person…cold, insensitive…And he was
A selfish child for wanting her to
Stay for graduation…The lecture was
Ridiculous…He wasn’t allowed to speak…
Pray to God for guidance…Forget about
A career in art, go to medical school,
All artists are losers…Move to Florida
After graduation…Take care of grandma,
Become a doctor or physical therapist…
Stop being so selfish…
It had begun…
From that moment on, life became full of
These onslaughts of speeches and attacks…
His grandparents moved to Florida
At the end of May…but something
Very disturbing happened…once they
Got there, grandma got to Florida she
Grew very ill with pneumonia…and
Was terribly sick for months. Apparently
The climate change was too much for her.
For weeks this sort of theme continued…
Friends, without warning turned on this
Boy…As graduation approached they
Kept complaining he had this hugely
Successful future ahead of him in art
While they had no idea what to do with
Their lives…Being around him made them
Feel like losers, so they said…They whined
And cried endlessly about graduation…
He kept telling them nothing was
Written in stone, anything was possible…
But they wouldn’t listen…
He told some friends about what his
Grandmother did, said…Most would NOT
Believe him…That was ridiculous…
What grandmother would do that?
Friends made excuses not to talk…
Not to hang out…The girls cried about
Their pitiful futures…The guys just
Partied and drank…That’s what most
Seniors in high school do at graduation…
It’s actually a very strange time…
Excited that high school is over…
Terrified of the future…That’s why everyone
Wants to party and get drunk…too
Much stress…too hard to think…
Peer pressure…big dreams malformed
By the media…movies, television…rock stars…
Dreams of fame and fortune,
Marrying someone rich…To make all
Your friends jealous…Friends seduce the
Best looking one they can find to parade
Them around like it’s love…They don’t
Know each other at all…
It’s all heavy petting and performance,
And lots and lots of drama…
Then in secret with their friends
They complain how unloved they feel…
Or brag about what great sex they’re
Having…Someone ends up pregnant…
The parties never end, underage
Drinking and drugs…
The heaviest partiers and complainers
Are always the ones who can’t seduce
The ones they want. Devastating problems.
Earth shattering…They always talk
And never listen…What great adults
This kid, this boy is bombarded with
Endless guilt trips…don’t speak, only
Listen…Are teenagers demons in
Human form? When you think about
Behavior patterns…high school is a lot
Like Hell…Especially if you’re fat in an
Age where fat is a crime…Then you starve
Yourself to death to be thin just to be
Treated like a human being…
He had done that as well…And
Oddly enough no one ever remembered
Him being fat…because he looked
The Number One Thing you learn in
School is…looks are all that matter…
Thank God adults outgrow this…
And pictures are so unimportant.
The Number Two Rule growing up…
Collect as many good looking friends as
You can…Thank God we outgrow this as
Adults…Can you imagine what the
World would be like if we didn’t? Scary.
But fortunately this formerly fat boy
Was spared this…because everyone completely
Forgot what he was, who he was, or how
They had once treated him after he lost the weight.
Such miraculously convenient memories
Onward, I will try to abbreviate this as
Best as possible…time is precious.
Graduation day came…
A mutual friend of the boy and his sister
Came to see graduation…since she missed hers,
And his sister’s…
Graduation week was a mess of selfish thrills
And insults…He kept his mouth shut and
Endured…During graduation practice…
A group of his fellow classmates thought it
Would be fun to harmlessly harass, poke, pinch,
Stab, kick, grope and sling insults at him…
It was surreal, as if they were possessed…
It went on and on…The principal was 5 feet
Away but never noticed…No one told them to
Stop because kids will be kids…it was
Harmless fun, right? I mean it was graduation
Day…who cares, anything goes!
Because any other time, it might have
Been considered abusive or an assault.
No big deal. If anything goes…He snapped,
Completely broke…so when they had
Senior lunch (a special event)…He
Walked out…Asked a friend, who had
Just previously asked to wean their
Friendship down because he was a guy,
She was a girl…blah, blah…she only wanted
Female friends…Anyway, he asked her to
Walk out to his car…as he had a
Breakdown, so that she could pass on to
Everyone that he was leaving and not coming
His breakdown terrified her, but she passed
The message on…that was his official last
Day in that hell hole…He drove off…
Absolutely no control, no mind, no feeling,
There were tears and noise…no thinking…
That’s when it came…
There was some supernatural force that
Descended, a powerful presence…a female voice
He never knew…guided the car to his
Sister’s work…where he remained that day…as
The world fell apart…As he broke, his
Family and friends came to the conclusion
He had to go to graduation, that was their
Support…But his sister insisted it was
His choice, not theirs…Endless guilt was
Dumped on him to go…
How? What for? Punish a group of bullies
On graduation day and make a huge scene
Of something awful? No, he kept his mouth
Shut, went home and spent the night in bed
Watching a movie…
While everyone else cried that his graduation
Day had been ruined for THEM.
Oh well…Yes, by not going to his graduation
He ruined it for THEM…He was selfish…
A few people called him a selfish coward…
Anyway, you get the idea.
The guilt trips continued, with lectures…
And that supernatural force grew angry…
He went to no graduation parties, he buried it.
Fast forward. Guilt. Lectures. Speeches.
A cowardly selfish boy.
A few days later his father was
Crippled in this awful home accident…
Both his knee caps were broken off in a fall…
1 week later, while on a late night ride with
His sister and a couple friends…They were in
A major car accident…The car was totaled…
His sister’s friend was driving her car…
Boom Boom Boom…Cops…The hospital…
The friend’s parents basically washed their
Hands of their daughter, said it was her
Mess and dumped her…So his parents took
Her in, sparing her from being homeless.
It was insane, ridiculous, horrible.
It was like some dark force was at work…
Versus a supernatural presence that watched
The guilt trips and lectures ended however,
Transforming into pity parties for the girl
Who crashed the car and the father’s awful
Accidents…Things grew worse and worse.
The mother was forced to become the family
Work force taking on additional jobs to
Support everyone, this wore her raw…
The summer was awful…The boy’s friends
Were typical…wanting to celebrate their
Freedom summer…while his was utter hell.
Conflict. Because he had so selfishly ruined
Graduation for everyone—they all felt guilty
For wanting to have fun…instead they turned
To pity the girlfriend who totaled his sister’s
Car…Monsters were born this way.
Now when so many awful things happen
So close together it’s obvious something is
Wrong…That a dark force is out to break
Your spirit…so you keep going…
The stress levels sky rocketed.
The father came home from the hospital,
Due to a lack of funds…The boy was forced to
Be the family nursemaid for him…
His unstable nature was to say the least
Unpleasant for the family, no one wanted
To care for him…But the cowardly selfish
Boy did it…and the housework, since the
Mother had to work…as did his sister.
The pitiful friend who stayed with them
Spent most of the time in bed crying
Because her family abandoned her…
The boy played nurse to a crippled man
Who needed constant attention…
Endless speeches and lectures were given on
How to cope…Basically, don’t complain, you’re
Not allowed to speak, only listen. Do as you
Are told. Others come first…Somehow in
This chaos hell the victims become lost…
Who is really suffering? Who hurts the most?
Guilt is typically laid upon the one
Who started it all…of course…
If things could just have been a little different…
If people had been kinder…
These things only attract the attention
Of higher forces…both good and bad…
For those paying attention…it becomes
Clear when things like this happen…
That something is watching everything.
Bad things kept happening to those
Around this boy every time he grew upset…
It started every time
Someone continued to hurt him…or give him
Guilt or awful lectures, bad things
Happened to them…Something had to be
Doing it, it was too much too fast. The
Summer was insane.
By the end of the summer, the family was
RAW…tension was indescribable…Everyone
Was suffering in some way, you have to
Know that. But everyone has feelings, hurts,
And has problems. You must always respect
That…You don’t know what someone else
Is going through, what kind of day they are
Having…how they woke up that morning…
Were they sick? Called names? Hit?
How close are they…to the edge…
Weigh all those things and getting through
Just one day…one day at a time is pure
So what happens next…September comes,
And the boy starts college…perfect.
No stress levels there. Freshman year, hurray!
College is not a place for adults…It’s
A place where egos grow…Kids party
And work…And a whole new set of
Rules are carved into your soul by who-
Ever teaches the class…Much like any
Freshman are terrified enough. Can you
Imagine how a shattered soul feels
Starting college after a summer of hell?
But the college professors were…so
Amazingly different…One is awesome
And fun…while the next is the
Most arrogant piece of garbage you
Have ever met in your life…
The worst advice he ever heard
Was preached to him by his preceptor…
His work was poor from the start…
If you can’t focus on your work, you’re
Wasting their time…They don’t care about
Your personal problems in college…or in
Life, you keep your personal problems to
Yourself and do your work…that’s what
For the record…No one does this…It is
Impossible, especially for young people, to
Leave their problems at home…Everyone
Carries their problems with them wherever
They go…That’s why the world is screwed
Up. It’s normal.
The best thing you can do is be kind
As much as you can…hoping that it helps
Someone…that you don’t hurt them, so
They won’t hurt you…so maybe
You break the awful endless chain
Of events of pain or anguish out there…
And it you’re going to break or feel
That you might…Please, don’t listen
To some jerk out there giving you a
Speech or guilt trip…You have to survive…
And I know it’s hard, but you have to be
Kind in this world…or it will kill you…
Now, the details have been set enough…
For the story here…of
The Red Light in the Sky…
This is hard to write…I’m sorry for the
Broken words, they’re pulling it out of my
Head; it is buried deep enough.
September for the freshman boy was brutal…
The summer of hell never seemed to end…
The lectures, the chores, the work, the guilt
Trips…it never ended…Much like high school
And his former fat years…there was no escape…
At home or school there was no escape,
The criticism was just different; more personal
At home and more blind at school…
But you keep your mouth shut, and keep going…
One blessing was he bought himself a batch
Of baby chicks that he ordered from a hatchery
Catalog that summer…He had always wanted
Them, so that was his graduation gift to himself.
Lame yes, I know…but he loved animals…His
Family always had a lot of pets and they had
Given many pets over the years…But by far
Those baby chicks were the best…so small
And helpless and fun to care for. Animals don’t
Judge, and are always the best friends you’ll
Ever have…They were his retreat…to sit outside
At the chicken coop with the little birds to
Watch them peck and scratch and play with
Them…You should try it, it’s very fulfilling…
Anyway…early October came…
A lot of stress had built in the house
With the friend, a Jennifer, that stayed with them…
She had sort of worn out her welcome,
Not of her own doing exactly but mostly
Due to the influence of friends who
Kept encouraging her independence…Instead
Of telling her to respect some house rules
Of living in the house they kept telling
Her to be her own person and write her
Own rules…which was fine if she was living
On her own, but she wasn’t.
I need to point out here, that when you’re young
You tend to have friends for random reasons…
Friends that live close-by, neighbors, friends
You’ve known since grammar school, and
Then friends you really like and connect with…
When you combine a group like this you
Have a menagerie of personalities…both good
And bad…It takes years to figure out
Sometimes how to choose friends…
In this case, there were a lot of spoiled rotten
Little girls whose parents indulged their every
Whim, never taught them right or wrong
Thus creating these little monstrous princesses
Who saw themselves as women of the
World…women who demanded and insisted
Respect, endless rewards and attention
And criticized everything…
They frequently preached women’s rights,
As spoiled girls often do…meaning
They work as little as possible, wear a
Lot of gold…and spend most of their
Time chasing boys and complaining they
Can’t get the cute boys they want.
Not all of them were that bad, but you
Get the idea…
One girl, at 19, inherited her grandmother’s
Small lagoon-front home…and took up her
Independence there…without parents. She held
All the parties at her house, mostly
Drinking…boys, girls…and wild types…you
Know the ones…
The friend Jennifer’s father had decided to
Take his daughter back…and they would
Work out their family problems…so all the kids
Had a sort of farewell party for her…
For the boy, he had just had the worst
Day of college yet…with his preceptor
Bringing him into her office for her critical
Review of his work…it was poor, what
Was he doing in school, blah blah…
The whole inconsiderate speech of leave
Your personal problems at home, be an adult,
Etc…It was sickening…
That night…a Friday night party, at the
Party girl’s house…The kids were drinking…
There were basically two types of kids
There…The pampered princesses…aka: chubby
Little fancy dressed girls who flirted and
Talked dumb endlessly, talked highly about
Themselves, gossiped, drank…in other words,
The boys ignored them because they were
Bitchy, spoiled and looked like trolls; their words.
And then there were the wild boys…The rebels,
The ones that dressed in leather, always
Partied, ran with the fast crowd, worked at
Either gas stations or labor jobs…talked dirty,
Talked big…were popular with girls…
In other words, they basically wanted to get
Drunk and get laid…
There were a few other types…The college boy,
A few of his friends from school, the Jennifer,
His sister…and of course one of his friends—
One of the prettiest girls all the guys wanted
But never got because all she ever wanted was
Presents and to talk about herself.
It was quite a mix.
At the party the boy kept trying to drink,
But the beer was awful, the alcohol burned…He
Didn’t understand how people drank this stuff…
So he basically spent most of the time off
To the side smoking quietly talking with a
Few of his more reasonable friends…
Just a note…since he had lost the weight
From school he attracted more of the
Better looking friends…It wasn’t a plan,
It just happened. And they were just friends.
A small group of them moved outside to
Talk to get away from drinking just to
Talk…Jennifer was there, Veronica…
The boy…and a couple of the spoiled rotten
Little princesses that boys had awful names for,
We’ll call them Hetti and Liza…
They were wishing Jennifer good luck
For when she left…when someone
Noticed the night sky…It was crisp and
Clear and cold…so beautifully lit up…
But there was something strange. A red light.
A red star? They kept staring at it.
There was something wrong with it, off about it.
They had never seen it before. Someone
Suggested it was a satellite or something, then
It was gone. That was weird.
Then Hetti and Liza started complaining, again
As they often did…why the boys weren’t paying
Any attention to them…The boys ought to
Be grateful to have girls like them you
Know, they had so much to offer, so much
Love and caring and wonderful company,
Blah, blah, etc. etc…
Boys ran from these girls. In fact they
Scared them away.
So one of them, Hetti first, then Liza…who
Was very round and loved to devour entire
Packages of cheese…Cracker Barrel logs, the
Big ones, but that’s not important…They turned
To the boy and started flirting with him badly…
So Hetti asks about his friends, the good looking
Ones…Do they hang out? Could he fix them up?
How did he ever become friends with them? One
In particular was so cute they said…
How in the world did they ever become friends?
They kept marveling at how great looking his
Friends were…and he was so, you know…not…
So then Veronica and Jennifer were horrified
At the offensive nature of the comments…
“How could you say that to him?”
One in particular, Hetti and Liza said, was
Gorgeous… “He must be a wonderful human
Being to be friends with someone like you.”
Everyone froze silent. Jennifer was disgusted,
Veronica was disgusted. “How in the hell could
You say something like that to him? Do you have
Any idea how rude that is?” They said angrily.
The boy just froze. Numb. Something snapped.
The girls argued back and forth…It grew worse
And worse…The egos these two spoiled girls
Had…They couldn’t see their error… “What
A beautiful human being he must have been to be friends
With someone like you…” It just kept going…
Liza and Hetti of course had no idea most guys
Wouldn’t even talk to them because they thought
They were the foulest creatures on Earth. But
These two girls had such monstrous egos…they
Never saw the error in their thinking…In
Fact they argued all night…
That was the moment he snapped, the
Night went on…The girls kept fighting,
The kids kept drinking…
Forever burned into his mind…
“He must be such a wonderful human
Being to be friends with someone like you.”
“He must have such a beautiful soul to
Be friends with you.”
“How did you two ever become friends in
The first place?” Lots of laugher there.
“Oh don’t be jealous now. We’re just being
Honest. Don’t be a baby.”
That was it, done, over. The ropes snapped,
The tide came in and swallowed everything…
And he curled up and died inside. Months of
Hell built up to that…that was enough…
He shut down…and everything became
Robotic…The night faded…and he went
Home…Jennifer left the next day…But it wasn’t
Her…You have to understand it had
Nothing to do with her really…Everyone was
Sad to see her go, it was a strained goodbye…
She had been lost…a bit of hard personality
At times…but they really felt sorry for her…
But it was those kids, those awful spoiled girls…
Months of nothing but tormented emotions
Something had to break…it was inevitable.
And that red light in the sky…
Where did it come from? It had never been
There before…or had it? Suddenly it was there
Every night at the same time.
Time just became something else…like there was dark
Eerie music playing all the time.
Everything became tainted with flashbacks
Of hard memories, memories he had blocked
Or forgotten…The recent months of hell…
The torment at home…The endless verbal abuse…
The whining and complaining of everyone…
Of being forbidden to speak, everything bottled up…
The shadows that moved on their own, jumped into
People’s bodies…That dark presence that loomed
That no one noticed. Everyone was so immersed
In their own worlds…Of constantly being told
He had to grow thicker skin, toughen up…
Be strong, be a man…In small towns, old style
Families…the advice is really brutal.
Plain and simple most people give bad advice, they
Merely repeat words and phrases they were told
By their parents or heard on television or on the
Radio, they never listen, they mimic…and when
It comes to comforting they want to offer it very
Briefly and as easily as possible to others…yet
Want hours of attention when it comes to themselves.
That really needs to STOP.
The red light in the sky was haunting. Every
Night he found himself standing out there late
At night in the freezing cold October nights
Staring at it, like it was talking to him or
Something. And each night it grew worse…
The feelings heavier, the numbness…until it
The red light in the sky…he knew that light.
What they were…It was too much.
So he took one of the half-empty wine bottles
From the refrigerator…a left over from some earlier
Drinking party at his house when his parents
Weren’t home…poured out the wine…and
Smashed it on the bricks outside the porch…
It was like a trance…staring at the red light…
All he ever heard were their voices…The girls
From the party…What a beautiful human being
His friend was to be friends with someone like
Him…How worthless was he? My God.
The endless complaints and lectures of the
Summer…The nightmare of graduation day,
The group of boys who acted like they were
Possessed that just…evilly mauled him…of
His grandmother’s speech of how selfish he was
Of how his graduation meant nothing…Just
Hurry up and finish school, do your chores, be a
A good boy and take care of grandma…His
Father’s accident…No, no you can’t have a
Job this summer, he needs full time care…
We can’t afford a nurse so you stay home and
Take care of him while mom works to support
The family. The constant lectures that everyone
Else was suffering far worse than anyone so
Just don’t feel sorry for yourself will you and
Quit complaining…I know life is hard right now,
But there’s nothing that can be done about it
So just deal with it.
It was too much. That dark force whatever
It was I swear had planned the whole thing…
He remembered the last peaceful memory…
Of that dream he told his grandmother about
In the Russian prison camp…of being shot, of the
Sky opening up full of light and singing…sweet
Holding the stem of the broken wine bottle tight
In his hand he stared at the red light in
The sky…and cried, and without thinking
Slashed fast and hard with the thick
Broken glass at his left arm…fast and
Hard for deep quick gashes…over and over
Until he started shaking…and then he
Switched hands and did the same to the right…
Fast and hard deep cuts, slashes, gashes
Until his arms were warm and wet then
Stung from the freezing cold air…
It didn’t hurt, it just grew colder and
Colder until he felt dizzy…And the world spun…
And the red light in the sky pulsed…
He felt weak and dropped the wine stem…
Looked down and everything was red…red, red, red…
Dizzy and drifting he wandered aimlessly
Back into the house, everyone was fast asleep…
He went to his room to go to bed…praying
It would be a permanent sleep…
But when he got to his room, he laid
Down on the bed crying…The world spun…He
Drifted off for a little while…
And then…maybe an hour or two later…
He suddenly woke, wide awake, sat up…
He was soaked in blood, half-dried…
The sleeves of his long sleeve shirt were
Shredded and red; it had been previously
Been a pale pin-stripe gray.
But he was wide awake, really wide awake!
Too wide awake. He was confused…okay what
So nervously he pulled up his shirt sleeves…
There was nothing there…NOTHING.
The skin was covered with dried blood, but
The skin was fine, perfectly healthy,
Unmarked…He went to the bathroom
And washed up…but there was nothing there.
The skin was totally fine. Not even the finest,
Tiniest mark of a scratch!
But he remembered what he did…saw
All the blood. So what happened?
Everything was soaked!
Nervous, panicked and shaken he went to
Bed for the strangest night’s sleep ever…
The next morning he awoke…was it a dream?
The memory was very clear, all of it…
He saw his arms in the morning light, felt his wrists…
All good! All clean! All fine!
And there beside the bed was the pile of
Clothes…he examined them…The shirt was
Shredded, the sleeves stained with blood…
So were the pants…
What the hell happened?
He freaked out, grabbed the shirt and pants
And put them in a plastic bag no one could
See through then went and buried them at
The bottom of the garbage can outside…
It couldn’t have happened, it couldn’t have!
All day long there was this bizarre sensation,
Like nothing was right. He said nothing to
Anyone…no one noticed anything, they never did!
And all day long periodically he kept
Wondering did it happen? Then he would go
And check the garbage can…yup, the bag
With the bloody clothes was there!
Tortured and confused…everything was twisted
A sinister sensation feeling filled the day,
And the overwhelming guilt of not knowing
What to do. He wanted it OVER. What did he
So the second night he waited for the red light
To appear in the sky…it did…
But this time he wore a white shirt…
And with some crazed sense of logic,
Lost desperation…He took another wine bottle…
Rolled up his sleeves…stared at the red light
In the sky angrily, then smashed the wine
Bottle on the rocks again like the night
Before to make a finely sharpened jagged
Broken wine stem…sharper than before…
(He had cleaned up the broken glass earlier,
From the night before…no one noticed, no one
So he held the jagged broken wine bottle stem
Shaking hard…from the cold…from the fear…
From the panic, as he stared wildly at the red light.
He was really desperate and angry…
Something was screwing with him bad.
He held the broken glass blade tight, then
Slashed fast and hard at his left wrist…
The gash was powerful and blood
He shook in the cold as he watched it…
Then with absolute horror shook even
Harder as he watched the skin close over
And the bleeding stop. The cut disappeared
He cried and panted and repeated it…
Only to have the same thing happen
Again and again…A gash, a cut, the blood,
And the skin would close…completely
Like it never happened. He stared at the red light.
Terrified panic filled him…So he ran inside
To his room and sat on the bed crying…Then did it
Again…Fast and hard to his wrist…Again
The skin closed…though more slowly inside
This time. He started making random
Cuts, tore right through his jeans…he slit
His ankles…Then crawled in bed to
Go to sleep…Only to awake the next
Morning to bloody clothes and no cuts at all.
What the hell happened?
He cleaned it up…threw away the clothes…
With the others…And became lost,
Confused, terrified, sick, angry…
On the third night…crying out of desperation
Again…He moved this time to take
Razor blades…But something distinctly
Different happened…He was shaking, sweaty,
And nervous, and queasy…passed out, and
Was visited by a shadow…A dark, ominous
Thing that whispered… “What
Are you? What do we have here? Do it
Again…Let’s see what happens…”
But he never did it again…He was
Too terrified of the shadow…And terrified
He hid in the corner for years after
That…Afraid to move, to tell…for 26 years
He held that secret until now…
But the strangest things started happening
After that. That preceptor who lectured
About responsibility and life lessons…kept
Missing classes due to…personal
Those mouthy nasty girls lost their voices,
“Tell me why.” I asked Brishan.
But Brishan only watched me wide-eyed…
Then looked to Ceres and Varence.
“I told you he had to tell you this now.”
Varence only said…Then turned to Ceres…
“Interesting about this supernatural force
That…helped him, isn’t it?”
Ceres stared at him viciously, then
Quickly slapped him hard across the
Face; she really belted him too.
Rana was there…watching with this
Look of rage…As was Vala…I never
Saw them so angry.
Finally Brishan asked… “What is
Going on here?”
“Something they’re doing, have done,
Isn’t it? People have to be kind to
One another…because one day they’re
Going to make someone snap…the
Wrong one…and God knows what
They’re going to awaken…” I said.
“Tell them the rules have changed.”
Brishan told me…then watched his
Sisters…Ceres looked as though she
Was ready to explode.
“Go now,” Brishan said kindly, “We’ll
Talk again…another time. Rest. Be well.
But you tell them the rules have changed.”
The End of the Thunders.
PS: This series has ended and Valiant will be taking some necessary time off.
He will be re-posting some of his most poignant messages from the past, in the coming weeks, some with updated news!
We do expect him to come back with more messages….so stay tuned and be ever watchful out there!