The Slazon Report #031501
California’s Phony “Energy Crisis”

About a month ago Nayfish Potchkee Rebbe (aka National Public Radio) leaked out a small, rather explosive, item and never mentioned it again, at least in my hearing. Since I’m The Monarch, I’m extremely high-strung and very finely-tuned to register even the slightest catch of breath whenever a slack-mouthed Yiddish speaker mentions anything having to do with the hive activities of the Old World Disorder (aka New World Order) Mishpoche. The item had to do with the testing of an atomic-like magnitude energy source that, instead of exploding outwardly, making a big mess like Hiroshima, it exploded in a relatively small space, and made an even bigger mess, only more subtle.

“Viola!” I shouted to my spydog, “I gotcha now!” That burst of enthusiasm was specifically intended to let the hive animals (aka “The Mishpoche”) know that I know too. You see, the so-called “energy crisis” in California is nothing more than a well-orchestrated “energy siphon”. The secret laboratories working on this Tempest-in-a-Teacup Project need lots and lots of ENERGY! So what did they do? Simple. They invented an energy “crisis” and, in their typical Wormywood (aka Hollywood) fashion, made it look authentic, covering up Their Big Suck while everyone else paid the bill. Pretty slick, huh? Do you think they care if Children are cold and hungry? HELL NO, as long as the Children aren’t theirs.

They started sucking up just in time for Christmas. They just couldn’t resist sticking it to the Christians. They tried to curtail the Christian Lighting of the Christmas Tree festivities. Remember when the governor of California lit the Christmas Tree but only left it lit for a short time? That was what started the red flag flappin’ for me. “They’re up to something,” I said, and sure enough they were.

The situation is this: The Mishpoche wants off The Earth real bad. They know what’s coming down and they are soiling their breeches just thinking about it. Their time has run out and they know it. Oh, how they know it. Instead of coming clean with us, they are busybusybusy trying to build an escape device. They made this mess but they don’t want to have to clean it up. Well, they ain’t goin’ nowhere, no how! The Mishpoche have been officially designated as Planetary Janitors, but we’re nice. We’re not going to require that they clean up the mess with their tongues, we’re going to give them the proper tools. But the first time just ONE of them uses a proper tool in an improper way, they will ALL get down on their hands and knees and use their tongues permanently. Since they are hive animals this is extremely fair and will work quite nicely because if one of them does something, they all end up doing it anyway.

“Oh how we laughed together,
trapped in The Grapes of Wrath together...”
--Leon Russell “Me and Baby Jane” Carney

Sayeth The Monarch to The Mishpoche, “CLEAN UP THIS (&*#@%!^) MESS AND BE QUICK ABOUT IT! (Pssst...and don’t forget to laugh, ‘cause laughter is a bowel movement for the spirit, and land sakes alive, do you ever need one!)”

Jana Janus
Omni On The Mean Planet