The Reptile Report #062900
You Are What You Drive

Today I chanced to stand in on a seminar outlining the selling points of certain brand new vehicles manufactured by a leading truck manufacturer. I discovered that men who buy these trucks, buy them not for utilitarian purposes, but for image! “How pathetic,” I thought, “men have been manipulated into thinking they can have the qualities they desire by purchasing a truck!” My goodness, man has finally been reduced to a machine. Who he is has been hard wired to the vehicle he drives. No wonder men are so messed up. Men have become their cars! Hello car. Goodbye man.

What has happened to you?

Go to your nearest new car dealer and pick up a few brochures. Read them carefully. Read what they say about the car of your choice. I have one that calls itself “aggressive” and “muscular”. How can a car be “aggressive” or “muscular”? Is this a subliminal suggestion that whoever drives such a car might present an image of “muscular” and be encouraged to behave aggressively? Just what is going on here? Remember that old chestnut, “You are what you eat”? Well, this one is “You are what you drive”.

This is bad news boys but the worse news is yet to come.

I learned of a new computerized satellite tracking system built into new cars. It was described as such a helpful little service. For example, if you drove into a new town and wanted to know where a good Mexican restaurant was, all you have to do is press a button in your car and ask an operator. You don’t even need a telephone, the microphone is positioned so perfectly above you that you could have a two-way conversation without taking your hands off the wheel. The voice of your “guardian angel” would direct you to the restaurant in a user-friendly way. You would “feel” that there was someone “above” “looking out” for you. You would begin to think that it was “God-like”. Knowing how most of you put things together, as witnessed by what you swallow whole from the Bible, you will most likely pump yourself up by assuming that God really gives a damn about what Mexican restaurant you eat in and that Jesus was crucified just so you could dine on a beef enchilada with rice and refried beans. “Praise the Lord!”

Well, that’s exactly what you’re supposed to think. That’s exactly what the master plan calls for. What you aren’t supposed to know is that your car, built in the image and likeness of YOU, is no longer controlled by you. You ain’t in control of anything anymore ‘cause whosoever controlleth thy car, controlleth thee and you ain’t goin’ nowhere, no how, unless your car says so!

Jana Janus
Omnipresent on The Mean Planet