The Reptile Report #022100, THE BLACK BOX BLUES

‘Incredible Edibles, Epicures of the Ancient World

‘There is a yarn about a sated epicure who sent his chef to get an olive. The olive was then put inside a tiny hummingbird, which in turn was used to stuff a pigeon. Each bird was put into a larger bird, with the outermost bird of all an enormous ostrich. When the ostrich was roasted, the chef brought the succulent dish to his master, who proceeded to remove the stuffing. He did not touch the meat of the ostrich, nor that of any of the other birds. Finally he reached the olive, held it up, and said, "This contains the concentrated savours of all the delicate fowl which encased it." Whereupon, he popped it into his mouth, and ordered the chef to take the rest of the roast away.’ --Wonder Books: Amazing Facts in a Marvelous World (University of Knowledge, Inc., 1941)

In ancient times a viper might have been satisfied with an olive prepared through the sacrifice of so many Divine Creatures Great and Small but that ain’t what satisfies him today.

The latest craze to hit the nest of vipers at the top of the pyramid scheme is known as The Black Box Blues. These are copies of the recordings made from the black box in an airplane that capture, among other things, the final moments in the cockpit when the plane is going down. These recorded moments of terror fetch a very high price in the emotional vampire market.

The Black Box Blues recordings have become so popular that entire airplanes are scheduled for crashes whenever they have a buyer lined up. They have even gone so far as to place recording devices in the passenger area, especially in the first class cabin. The ghouls are greedy for the sounds of anguish and agony emitted by the upwardly mobile set.

And who can blame them? After all, the bungarums are the same ones who make all the phony Hollywood movies. They certainly aren’t going to be entertained by the same stuff they’re putting out for the hoipolloi. They demand the real thing. Snuff films just don’t satisfy them anymore even when the star is a minature Las Vegas show girl only six years old.

They’re also very fond of an old game they’ve been playing for quite awhile called “Bag the Big Ones”. This is when they snuff a celebrity. John F. Kennedy, a President and a Catholic, definitely fetched a very high price. The spinoffs were the Warren Report, the missing brain and years of speculation about “who dunnit” damn it. More recently “Bag the Big Ones” included Sonny Bono and John Kennedy Jr.

“Ride the Rails” is another favorite game of the vipers. This is when children are implanted and used like remote controlled units to shoot up their classmates. Usually they destroy the evidence by shooting the children in the head when they’re finished with them. Either that or they tuck them away in a secure lock up, safe from prying eyes, where they are reconditioned for future uses.

Yes folks. We live on The Mean Planet. This is what happens when the lord of the Old Testament runs the show and the root of all evil gets to call the shots.

“And all the roads jam up with credit And there’s nothing you can do It’s all just bits of paper Flying away from you Look out world take a good look What comes down here You must learn this lesson fast And learn it well This ain’t no upwardly mobile freeway Oh no, this is the road to hell.” --Chris Rea “Road To Hell, Part Two” Road To Hell

Jana Janus, Omnipresent on The Mean Planet