Dear Santa:
Thank you for bringing me that long skinny tube with the glass on both ends.
If I promise to be good, will you bring the operating instructions next year?
I will try very, very hard to be good!
As you know, it had always been my intention to "do the right thing!"
Upon making my first exciting heavenly observations through your new present, I was amazed to discover all sorts of things no one had ever told me before!
Now... deeply desirous of being a good boy, I set out right away for the local observatory to share the good news, but since the journey to the heights of Mount Olympus is so arduous, I briefly delayed my planned pilgrimage in order to fill up the ol' tank!
Yes, I confess!
I sinned at McDonalds!
It was just ONE quarter pounder with cheese! I didn't see the harm in it, being completely reassured by scientists that Mad Cow was not transferable to humans!
To my surprise, as I was leaving the fast food stand, I began to slobber and stagger uncontrollably. Before I could continue on my journey to the oracle, my affliction became so severe that I fell face forward into a newspaper rack and suffered a "Big Bang" on my head. When I finally came to, I was face down in a pile of newspapers!
The headlines read:
"New Data Surfaces:" "Scientists Now Doubt "Big Bang" Ever happened"
WHEW! That's good news! I am sooo relieved! I just imagined the whole affair!
So there you have it! It NEVER happened!
However, I must confess that I AM having a hard time rationalizing this lump on my head!… It stubbornly refuses to acknowledge the fact that it isn't there!
But... Since I can still see and feel it, (OUCH)... It is obvious that I have suffered delusional trauma-induced hallucinations as a result of incurring a nonexistent "bang" to the noggin!
Not to worry, however! I have excellent insurance!
A trip to ol' sawbones should fix me right up!
And... I hear there is a new cure-all procedure being touted for cases of severe delusion.
It is based on the concept that hallucinations such as mine are simply the result of evil bodily "humors."... !
It involves putting leeches on the patient and.....
(I'll let you know how it turns out!)
-Regards:
CliffMickelson
CliffMickelson
(Uh Oh! Now I'm seeing double!)
